Perfume

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

So. This weekend was kind of a…break through of sorts for me.

A new experience. A freeing feeling.

Drumroll please………

I wore perfume.

For me.

Womp. Womp.

obama walk off gif

I know, I know. If you were expecting something earth shattering, I apologize for the gross letdown.

But just hear me out.

I wear Ralph by Ralph Lauren. It has been my signature scent since high school.

But, real talk: perfume is expensive. So I only wear it when…let’s be honest…I’m going to be around boys. Particularly boys I have a crush on.

Otherwise, it’s just Secret’s Tropical Island Fresh deodorant comin’ at’cha live.

#Classy

image

But I woke up on Sunday morning, after an incredible night on Saturday, and I decided that, gosh darn it…I’m going to wear perfume today — for myself.

You see, Saturday night was unusual in that, I went out with just my guy friends. All my girls were out of town for Memorial Day, so I had to fend for myself with the fellas. 🙂

And I’ve written about these boys before. There were 2 potential crushes among them. And they both were there on Saturday. But here’s the thing: For the first time, I didn’t care what they thought. I had decided that they were just friends. So even though they were opening doors and being chivalrous and treating me like a lady, it just didn’t matter to me.

But here’s the thing about Saturday night: I felt so beautiful. Which, from the surface sounds incredibly conceited, but knowing my history with non-existant self worth after my anorexia, feeling beautiful is something that I just don’t experience. I’m working on it, but frankly, it’s still a losing battle.

But Saturday night: I put on a pretty dress, wore perfume, high heels, did my makeup nicely — and I just felt, beautiful.

And here’s why: those two boys, they told me that they were courting me that night. Both of them. And maybe I’m a horrible person, but I allowed it. They opened doors for me. Bought me drinks. Had deep conversations. Treated me like a real lady.

And I allowed it.

I allowed them to “love” me.

Because, for the first time, I believed I was worth it.

God has been at work in my heart for a long time, and it was like, on Saturday night, I was just shown that it is an act of self love to allow another person to love me and receive it.

Even with all my baggage, God deemed me worth saving. So who am I to discredit and discount His evaluation?

My life is a celebration of His saving power. His healing hand. He has made me beautiful. So when I put on a pretty dress and recognize His beauty shining through me, I believe it makes Him smile. And I believe that other people can feel Him too. At least, I hope so.

So anywho. Saturday was a big affirmation in who I am. In feeling beautiful. In accepting love.

And that rolled over into Sunday — I decided that I am worth feeling beautiful, even when I’m not around boys, and it’s just me. Because I am worth it. Jesus makes me beautiful. Jesus says I’m worth it. So I’ll believe Him.

IMG_1422

What ever happened with those two beaus?

In my opinion, we’re just friends. Period. I’m open to love, but I don’t think it is with either guy. I’m waiting for God to reveal His plan, so I’ll keep my eyes open, my head on straight, and my cards close to my chest.

That’s at least the recipe for a strong game of poker.

fold-poker-cat

Regardless, I’m going to continue to spritz that perfume all day er’r day…because I feel beautiful…and that’s okay.


 

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

207 thoughts on “Perfume”

  3. Good for you. I share your post with the women that come into the mission where I pastor. So many have self-worship issues and often feel less than. I love the ability that God gave you to share in such a transparent way.

    Dan

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Hi Dan, wow thank you so much 🙂 I am absolutely honored that you would share my words. It is such a comfort to know that even though we may struggle and have baggage, that God loves us no matter what. And wants us to claim that love and live in freedom because of it. thanks for stopping by! hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Isn’t it sad how we have this image of how women are supposed to look and what they are supposed do to feel beautiful? Sick or not, you should always do something for you. I am home, out of work right now, but I still put on my family jewelry and my bracelet I received for Mother’s Day. I switch out my earrings, too. It is just is a little glitz and glam that I can do for myself every day. Who cares if anyone else is around? I’m going to be beautiful for me first! And you need to do that for you, too!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. A little glitz and glam—I love it! You’re so right, you deserve that! You’re right, there are a lot of unhealthy pressures put on women and girls today from the media and society, but there is freedom and peace when we realize where true beauty comes from. Thanks for stopping by! sending you hugs and love oxox

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Ha, I am sitting in the laundromat reading your post with a dilly grin and tears in my eyes. Happy for you!💟I’ve worn Ive Saint Laurant… Opium since I was 19. I recently spent a small fortune on a new bottle-for me. Thanks for sharing.
    Blessings, Laurie

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi Laurie! haha oh yay! I’m so glad it’s made your laundry day more enjoyable! which reminds me…I have a mountain staring at me in my hamper! haha And way to go…you deserve it! 🙂 Thanks for reading and for the encouragement my friend! Happy laundering 🙂 xox

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Another lovely post! Loving and accepting yourself is the hardest thing to do. This is an awesome breakthrough. Congrats. Very inspiring 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Russ! oh my gosh, thank you so much 🙂 You are so kind! There may be something in the works that will remedy that….:) 🙂 🙂 🙂 we shall see….haha thanks for stopping by! hugs and love xox

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  16. What a beautiful post! I am someone who also suffers from low self-esteem and reading this just hit home. Every once in a while there is something that can just make you feel beautiful! I love that you sprayed on that perfume for you! I really am starting to realize that if we take care of ourselves and learn to love the bodies we are in, then other good things will make their way! They are all in God’s plan!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. This is great. Reminds me if the times I wore White Diamonds, the perfume. I do it because I like it but I cannot afford to wear it lol. Still, feeling as beautiful as everyone says you are is a wonderful feeling.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! Haha I feel ya! That’s kind of you to say:) yes, claiming out inner beauty, and really believing it is so important. So wear that perfume girl! Woo! Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Good for you! I’m glad it was a good evening, letting the boy thing take a night off and just enjoying yourself. And we all know you’re beautiful just from your writing and your spirit. The Tiffany lamp in heels and a little Ralph on the bulb. Sounds great!

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Beautiful. I like fragrances and essential oils. Two of my favorites are lavender and rose. Be the beautiful person that you are. Feel the love. Share the love. Amen. You are helping people to experience God’s kingdom.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. That was a great post, and to be honest i have been feeling the same way and i am happy about it, for a long time i didn’t have courage/confidence to wear shorts but this year i finally bought a pair of shorts and i am happy to wear them!

    Liked by 1 person

  25. So encouraging and during a similar season of my life also! Thanks so much. May God continue to use you as the princess you are!

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Great post 🙂 As I have observed from some other people, they will tell you that in the end, it is better to see If that person is the right person to have a romantic relationship with because If one just jumps fast in a relationship, their is a chance that it could end up being a disappointing one. Anyway, keep up the great work as always 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Great post. It is soo important to put yourself first regardless how many people like or don’t like you. As Chanel said, there are no ugly women there are only lazy ones. Your posts are refreshing. Keep your chin up:)

    Liked by 1 person

  32. It’s a real gift to a man to have a woman inspire him to be the best that he can be. To be able to reflect that back on him – to let him see the effect of his attention without imposing dependency upon him – is rare and precious.

    So do be lady-like! Inspire us!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This is such a difficult balance to maintain, and can go awry when misinterpreted. It’s something that should expand, rather than turning inwards. Most women allow men to do the latter, which actually reinforces their aggression.

      I tried to describe it in a passage from Ma, when the hero discovers a cast-off in Kinshasa and invites her to dinner:

      “In this gracious place, something happened that Leelay had no words to describe. They spoke, but the subject had no import. They ate, but she could not remember what. What she recalled, what her body celebrated now from every pore, was that every moment of delight – the waiter’s dignity, the musicians’ skill, the odor of the wine – brought a stillness to Ntombo. And in that stillness seemed to come a feeling of “yes.” And through this feeling she felt that the “yes” was also her “yes,” and that the “yes” was connected to something greater.

      “It was as though the dirt and greed of the world had covered her over, and that this “yes,” this sacred “yes,” was lifting away the dirt and what was revealed underneath was a world of joys that could not be taken away from her so long as she kept her eyes open to them.”

      It is this opening of our eyes to joy that I was speaking of being inspirted in men by a lady. In means not induling a fascination or fixation upon herself, but a gentle drawing of attention to those things that bring joy by embracing them with a patient regard – and turning away from attention that cannot be so guided.

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      1. What an interesting passage and reflection! I think respect is so important in relationships. I have brothers and I’ve been told that men want respect just as much as love. And I think that part of that respect is allowing men to rise up to their highest selves, honoring God and honoring his partner. I don’t know, I super old school, I don’t ever text boys or ask boys out on dates. And I’m single so clearly … What do I know haha. But thank you so much for sharing this. So so interesting! Have a great night! Hugs and love xox

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      2. We say “single” as though to not have a romantic partner is to somehow be alone. But we are never alone – we have relationships with the world all around us, with things both animate and inanimate. In discovering a betrothal, we should find that our betrothed validates and enriches all of those relationships. It is to say: “Let me offer you this as a gift” to each other in every second of the day.

        Many women are shy about the beauty that storms within them, but when a man has the discipline to safe guard it, that becomes a shower of healing rather than a furious will to dominate.

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      4. There was a time when I wandered form congregation to congregation hoping to find a minister that would allow me to teach. Most of them tend to subscribe to the dictum that they should get rid of the smart people, because they ask questions that can’t be answered. None of them had the courage to engage me long enough to realize that I’ve got answers. At this point, I’m worn out with the effort, and am just glad to find a few out here at WordPress who find what I offer to be of value. Thanks for your enthusiasm!

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  38. God knows you are beautiful inside and out and I think he really likes your perfume. And personally, I think you are really special! Your story, words and love for God brings hope.

    Liked by 2 people

  39. It brings a new meaning to “Loving your neighbour as yourself”. If we can’t love ourselves how can we love those around us. It’s so important that we know we are entirely lovable. We know this because God loves us. Secure in that love we can love others.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi friend! So very very true. Thanks you for this great perspective. You’re right-we can’t give what we don’t possess ourselves. Amen to that- he DOES love us immensely. Thanks for stopping by 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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    1. Hi there Wayne! Aw Thank you my friend 🙂 I can always count on you for a good dose of kindness and encouragement. You are a blessing 🙂 Hope this finds your week off to a great start! Hugs and love xox

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  45. lol… you are beautiful cos God loves you as you and you know what?… you wore that perfume on a Sunday… it was for God! God is tripping for you cos He loves you more ….lol

    Liked by 1 person

  49. Great to hear positive self affirmations. Why shouldn’t you feel beautiful? You were made in the image of the Almighty, most High God, you have His DNA. You reflect His beauty when you are positive and you have Jesus in your heart. Jesus said love is the greatest and in John 13:35 it says……Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” Enjoy your feeling of being beautiful. You are God’s princess. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks friend. I really appreciate this wonderful encouragement. You’re so right-we are made in His image. his fingerprints are all over us! What a comforting thought. Thanks again for such kind words. It means a lot. Hugs and love xox

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