*Going Undercover

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

So yesterday, I did something pretty crazy.

I went undercover.

Yep, I pulled a Harriet the Spy and went on a real life spy mission.

#ForeverA90sKid


My best friend is actually a forensic psychologist, and basically that means that her life is literally an episode of CSI. Anyway, she had to go on an undercover gig, and, since I’m an actor, she invited me along!

It. Was. So. Cool.

Not gonna lie, I felt like a bada$$.

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Anyway. We were undercover on a boat, putting “eyes on” this guy whose wife was suspicious of him having an affair. She knew that he was going to be on this evening cruise because she checked their credit card bill. He told her he was “working late.” That poor woman. My heart went out to her. To think that she had to hire a private investigator to see if her husband is cheating. It breaks my heart.

#ImLookinAtYouBenAffleck

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Anyway, the guy was with two women. And that’s all we know. His actions weren’t overly romantic or anything, so we couldn’t tell if he was cheating.

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But as I was sitting there, pretending to take selfies, yet actually taking pictures of the guy and his actions, I felt a tremendous responsibility in my hands.

I mean, this was their marriage. I didn’t know what the story was.

And, yes, even though that guy lied about his whereabouts to his wife, I had no idea who those women were. Were they co-workers, and he just didn’t want to tell his wife that he’d be out with women because she’d freak out? Was he really cheating? Was he planning a surprise birthday party for his wife with two of her best friends? I just didn’t know. But here I was, trying to figure out if he was having an affair based of his body language and actions with these women.

And, surprise, surprise, it got me thinking about recovery.

Now, you may be scratching your head thinking, “How the heck did you get from spying on someone to thinking about your anorexia recovery?”

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Well friends, I was thinking, “This is crazy. This guy has no idea that we’re watching him. Someone could be watching me or following me around and I would have no idea.”

Paranoid much?

No, just kidding. But the thought did cross my mind.

But it got me thinking. I was trying to figure out this guy’s life from his actions. From his behavior.

And I wondered, What conclusion would someone draw from my behaviors and actions? Would they be able to tell that I’m in recovery? Would they think that I love myself? Would they draw the conclusion that I am living free from ED? Would they be able to tell that I love Jesus?

What do my actions communicate?

And it really made me think.

Because then I thought, what do I want my behavior to communicate?

Really. That’s a tough question. And there are lots of answers.

I mean, let’s be honest here. I would love it if my actions communicated that, Oh yeah, she’s got it goin’ on! She’s confident, stylish, flirty, self-assured, and the life of the party! Dangggg this girl’s the cat’s meOW! 

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I confess. I would love that. That’s the “me” of my dreams. That would be the movie portrayal of my life.

But is that what I really want my life to communicate?

And I realized, after reflecting on this, what I actually want my actions to communicate:

One word:

LOVE

I know, I know, I know. I can hear the collective “eye roll” from here.

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But seriously, just here me out.

I want to communicate love: Love for others. Love for myself. Love for God. Love for life.

If someone were to spy on me, I would want them to walk away saying, Man, that girl is a lover.

So what does that look like? How about, being a good listener. Following through on promises and keeping my word. Bringing joy to others. Letting people into the broken places in my life. Actually celebrating my birthday. Building trust with others. Not tearing others down with gossip or judgement. Not tearing myself down with harsh criticism or doubt. Saying yes to invitations. Calling people back and reaching out. Spending time in prayer. Laughing a good old fashioned belly laugh.

Please hear me, I am in no way saying that I am all those fabulous things. That is a list of things that I inspire to be. Things that I am working on. Things that ED tries to suppress, but that I fight for.

That’s what I want my life to communicate.

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What about you? What would someone think if they were to go undercover and put “eyes on” you? Is it want you want your actions to communicate? Just something to think about this weekend.

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So whether or not that man was cheating on his wife, I’ll never know.

But I do know one thing: actions are important. And I need to be careful of my actions, because they communicate a lot.

And at the end of the day, I want to communicate love.

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

219 thoughts on “*Going Undercover”

  1. If someone were to look at me they’d say woah that guy is so awesome hahahaha jk this was a great connection you’ve made here and your compassion toward the man and your feelings of worry bc of the fact that you can’t know for sure what’s really going on says a lot about you. I loved this read because it illustrates the NEED to go beyond the way something someone or a situation looks before judging it. You have to get to the heart of it before you can accurately make any statement like. And it’s also great how you saw the situation and reflected on yourself and instead of being self conscious because of your history you became conscious of yourself and analyzed how being watched would make you feel. This was overall really cool hahaha!!!

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  2. Ah, such a great post! You do communicate love, so well done!

    In the modern world of security cameras and the NSA, we’re all probably either spies or being spied on. Plus I live in a small town. We’re all being spied on! I actually have a bit of a camera, gossip, don’t- spy-on-me-phobia, or I did at least until I finally accepted that the only opinion that really matters to me is God’s and He’s already seen me at my worst. He loves me anyway. How awesome is that?

    If you’re 90’s kid, we should so get together and do the Goonies 🙂

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  4. Yes, imagine being stalked by a PI and the IRS, or even the NSA, if you have the cred, otherwise just by Biggs & Agent Daveed. Then they build a file on you, seven inches thick, including every lawn-dry bill, Big Mac and ferry trip. Oh, you sneezed on the ferry and your shoe’s heel came off in Walmart. The goldfish had too many flakes and the cherry pie in the oven got a bottom tan. Then Richard Snowden and Assange spill the beans, wash all you dirty laundry in public. From overindulging in Hägen- Dasz to tithing nine cents too little. And there it is on CNN, in Huffington Post:

    BBB is a secret lover! BBB has a crush! BBB cheats on life as she has an affair with LOVE!

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      1. That ice cream…..if the Pope finds out about it, it will be classed as sin and become a taxable offence. It will go on your file and it will grow by an inch in width – as will you! 😆🍦🍦

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      3. As if I’m the only one 😁. Even your saddest posts managed to have brighter moments. One could pack a backpack and go on a contemplative guilt trip for smiling but you just know who to turn hated cabbage into haute cuisine. Thanks for spicing up my newborn Friday morning which has still to see the light of day. It is 01:41am here.

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  5. Love this post! Yes indeed, you radiate love and not just with this post. After all, compassion for others as well as ourselves comes from the heart.

    Liked by 1 person

      3. What a beautiful post! I love the sentiments in this post I think the things you aspire your actions to communicate are wonderful. I prayed the other day that an obsession with a man who wasn’t interested in me be lifted and I thought of you as I was praying. I always think of you when I pray as your faith is so strong. The obsession did shift and I’m going to start praying again. My new aim in life is improving the world so I’ve come up with an idea that could help everyone who goes into a doctors surgery in the UK with a mental health or addiction problem. After feeling like I was influencing the future of the country during the Referendum campaign I now need to make a positive difference to people with my life. So hopefully my actions will communicate that as well as looking after myself.

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      4. Thanks Caroline! That’s so wonderful! I’m glad you’ve taken that up again! I hope it brings peace and hope:) sending big hugs to you friend. I definitely believe in you that you can make a difference in people’s lives! Hugs and love xox

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  8. I must admit that the fact that your friend is a forensic psychologist excited me more than I expected. I am actually about to finish a postgraduate degree in forensic psychology at the moment, so I kind of feel a slight kinship. Lovely post as usual, it sounds like you both had a truly adventurous and enlightening time. xxx

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      2. Hmm I have to be honest I haven’t checked my emails this past week because I was home. I took the red eye this morning And was at rehearsals all day today but I’ll check tomorrow when I finally have some down time in the afternoon! Sorry for the delay!

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  16. I wanted Michelle Trachtenberg as my best friend growing up! Haha!

    I love Forensic Files and such, so knowing that your best friend is a forensic psychologist is so cool!

    I love your mantra, especially the trademark quote!

    Liked by 2 people

  17. When I’m out on one of my frequent trips, I always hope and pray for at least one waitress that day who will connect with me instead of just process me! Aside from sales calls, there’s no personal interaction. It gets…solitary. So when someone treats me like a person, I make sure they know I appreciate it. I let the manager know and how important that is to me.

    Sometimes I wonder how people take me…am I hitting on her? Am I some perv? Do they really get it? I just decided a ways back that there’s too much harshness in society, so I compliment people when I can sincerely. After talking with my seat mate for most of a flight last Monday, I told her she had very nice eyes, as we got up to go. Then I got my bag and headed out.

    So do some people I encounter think I’m a weirdo? Maybe. But I just try to be a someone who lifts up instead of tears down. If nothing else, it makes me feel good to be nice to someone!

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    1. Hey there friend! I love that. You never know the good a kind word or a sincere compliment can do. Seriously. Because you’re absolutely right-there is A LOT of harshness out there and if we can bring another person a hint of joy-just by saying something kind, why not! I love that you spread goodness and love. Sending hugs to you Jeff! Keep shining that light! ☀️☀️☀️

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    2. You are just being authentic, a rare quality nowadays. Sir, I stand at attention and salute you. You are what makes this world civil, humane, even beautiful.

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      1. Pete, you are so kind! I truly appreciate your compliments. And this is what I love about blogging – that we find like-minded folks, affirm each other, and lend strength to continue to do good things in h world. I am touched by your comments. I’ll remember this and continue to shine a little light with more confidence. Thank you for your strength!

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  21. I really enjoyed this! It’s been almost 30 days since my last drink. I decided to take on some new vices and blogging is one of them. So far mine have all been really serious which is the polar opposite of my personality. I love the goofy upbeat tempo you kept in this blog. As I get better at this blogging thing I hope to be able to do the same 😊

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  22. I pray that all turns out well for the woman who was having her husband followed, but if she has gotten to the distrust point of having him followed around that is definitely not a good thing for her relationship. Even if you didn’t find out what he was up to, she will have doubts. I had a friend once who had others saying things about her husband and wanted to know what I thought about it. I told her at the time that I thought that of all people in the world she should trust her husband first over what anyone else says, and to keep trusting him until she saw him in a situation where she could not doubt what was going on with her own eyes, or he came to her and said that he was unfaithful. The point is, that when you enter a marriage relationship that person is supposed to be your other half, so you should always trust that other half over people who are not your other half. That is part of cherishing a person, and necessary for a marriage to succeed and thrive. You never know what motivates a person who is trying to come between two people in a marriage….they may just be miserable and want others to join them in their misery. I really love how you gave room for the idea that the man might have been planning a surprise for his wife or having a lunch with a couple of co-workers. That is the motto of our country as it should be carried out:”Innocent until proven guilty beyond reasonable doubt.” This was a wonderful post, and I am sure that people will see you as a positive person who loves people and loves God. That is how I see you from your posts, and I don’t actually know you in person! Your response to the outing shows me that you really have a heart for Christ. (If I didn’t already know this!)

    Liked by 1 person

    2. I am glad she isn’t my wife, as she is the one to be distrusted. The jealous party typically ends up being the cheater.

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      2. It is all about whether they cherish each other or not. People frequently forget to cherish each other that is probably why so many marriages fail. Part of the failure to cherish is dragging other people into the relationship who don’t belong there….friends, relatives, etc. I feel sorry for both of them and I don’t even know them. It is a sad thing to see people having a troubled marriage, even from a distance.

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      3. My wife and I celebrated 29 years of wedded bliss on July. I lost my independence a day after America got theirs LOL. My parents were to celebrate 59 years on July 6, but Mother passed away in April. As for marriage, I think that I am in a rare commodity nowadays, a lasting marriage. So were my parents. Nobody says even these people do have a troubled marriage; it could easily just be a wife who doesn’t see straight. In my former career in finance, I had to go away for long times, even accompanied by women. My wife was never jealous and I never cheated on her. If my wife would have hired a PI every time I went to a single young lady’s apartment to file tax returns, draft a will or arrange insurance, we’d be bankrupt. The biggest problem here is to see how judgemental some of the commenters are as only their true colors shine through. We have too little facts of this situation to even begin to form an opinion. Rather focus on the beauty that BBB had brought by virtue of her perspective, then stay out of the lives of people we don’t know.

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      4. I agree, my husband and I are a couple years behind you and your wife. These have been the best years of my life. He is the most awesome person I know! We have gone through a lot together, and he is a good person to go through things with.

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  23. Fantastic insight!! I also want my life to represent love!! Along with that I want to fill the world with compassion, my soul with self forgiveness. I hope that people love themselves a little more after an encounter with me. I too love Jesus and know that helps me to keep my desires less selfish. Thank you for your words. Blessings!

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  24. Very good connection you made here. For me, I want my actions to demonstrate love for myself. In a healthy way, of course. Thanks for a very sweet encouraging word.

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  26. Wonderful article! I’m right there with you about what I want to show people by my actions. I know I fail. Sometimes the failing is an all-day event, but sometimes it isn’t. This article renewed my own desire to be better in so many areas of my life. Thank you. Oh! You were TOTALLY a bada$$ going undercover! You rock!

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  30. Another beautiful post! We should all try to be like Jesus, and see Him in every person. I want my actions to communicate that I’m a faithful follower of Christ, trying to be the person He wants me to be 🙂 The whole undercover thing sounds so cool – it’s like you were in a movie! (Btw, I love that Harry Styles gif 😉 )

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    1. Thanks friend! Amen to that – seeing Jesus in every person is such a powerful thing and important thing to. Something i definitely have to work on! Thanks for sharing your heart. Sending big hugs! haha love me some Harry Styles 🙂

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  31. Thank you so much for this lovely reminder! I was thinking the exact same thing today when I was walking home from going to the movies. What do people see when they see me? The other day, I met a man on my school campus as I was just walking along. And he made a comment about my joy, which I hadn’t even realized. Pope Francis tells us there’s no such thing as gloomy-faced saints, so I want people to know my JOY. I’ve struggled with depression at different times in my life, but the joy of the living God who loves us is the most beautiful gift, especially in the Eucharist. ❤

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    1. Hey there Kenzie! Thank you so much for this thoughtful reflection! Amen to that! Joy is such a blessing, not only to yourself, but to everyone you encounter! Yes yes yes. I am like nodding along and cheering for everything you’ve said here. Sending huge hugs my friend. xox

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  32. I love this post! It’s so clever the way you think about things and put them into words. 🙂
    I like that second picture that said “Your smile is your logo, how you make others feel is your trademark.” 😉 So funny and so true!

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    1. Thanks emily, gosh that really means a lot! You’re right – that is the numero uno goal! can’t quite say I’ve mastered that, because I fall short in that area A LOT, but I am working on it:) thanks for reading! hugs and love xox

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    1. Agree. That beauty goes beyond the bones. Inside, she has to be a rollercoaster ride, a theme park, a surprise at every corner. All done in a gif.

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  36. At the expense of sounding crass and as you stated, his actions didn’t convey “cheating”, nor would they stand in a court of law. From a christian perspective in my opinion, he is guilty. First he lied to his wife and was with two other women in a romantic setting. Second, marriage is sacred, the wife should have been told of his whereabouts and with whom or he should have included her too. In a marriage, one needs to choose carefully whom one lets in because the potential is there to opening it up to other evils. I’m not saying that males shouldn’t have female friends and vice versa, but that your husband/ wife should always be number one. if not, it’s not a marriage. Metaphorically speaking, God for example is a jealous God, the First and Second Commandments state: “You shall have no other gods before Me [God]” Exodus 20:3-5……. as marriage should be. I have been married for 33 years and still happily married and I have two adult daughters whom my husband and I just adore. I would like to think that my actions reflect my faithfulness to God first, my husband and family because we serve God through family, work,and in what we say and do. Love you as a friend BBB.

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    1. We do not know what his profession is, what assignment is on his desk. We should not be judging from the outside. Get the facts, all of it, rather not risk a worthless opinion. What is blatantly obvious isn’t necessary true. I am a seasoned forensic auditor.

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    2. Thank you for sharing this. It sounds like you and your husband have a beautiful marriage. A lot of great points here. I do agree: marriage is sacred. A covenant before God that includes God. Thanks for reading. Hugs and love xox

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  38. Cool story! It must have been such fun to go under cover. I’m actually not sure what a forensic psychologist does. Would your friend be willing to do a guest blog on my website about it? I have a lot of crime writer friends and I’m sure they would be very interested!

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  41. And imagine if we all could just communicate love to each other! A great reminder for me: who am I really? What would people see if they watched me undercover?! God knows the heart of man and is gracious to love us anyway .

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  43. Beauty…this is…well, I’m not sure I have the words. This is amazing. HUSBAND and I are marriage coaches now…in the midst of our shattered and broken lives and world, we found beauty through His love and grace…and spend all the time we have helping other broken marriages. I’d like permission to use this piece in our work. It is AWESOME! Please email me: susan@unboundedlife.org and I’ll give you more details??? You have such a precious wisdom, a way with communicating from the heart to the paper…wow. Can’t wait to hear from you. xo and HUGS!

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  46. It’s neat how certain situations can spark thoughts and lead you to conclusions that teach lessons. You’ve taught a great lesson with this post. We are always communicating with our actions. I keep a fortune cookie in my wallet that reads, “You are often unaware of the effect you have on others.” It serves as a great daily reminder to always be mindful of what our actions are communicating.

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  47. No eye roll here …, that is my goal too.
    I think if we leave each person we touch better then we found them, then we have accomplish that
    ❤️ we are never going to get it totally right… The success is in doing the best we possibly can

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  50. Great post 🙂 Whenever I am riding in a car and I see all the pedestrians walking, I am always curious as to what they are thinking. I think it is great though that you want to communicate love as you said in this post though because that is similar to the act of caring. Anyway, keep up the great work as always 🙂

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    1. Hey john! Thank you so much. Yeah, the thoughts you have when walking are always really interesting. Some of my best thinking takes place when I take a walk by the water! So glad you stopped by! Always good to hear from you! Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

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