Anorexia & the Sanctity of Human Life

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

I’ll tell you what, you’ve never watched a presidential debate until you’ve watched one in a bar with a bunch of Europeans on the Upper West Side of Manhattan.

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I promise, I’m not getting political…

But let’s just say, they don’t mince words about how they really feel about Trump and Hillary. The term “Satan’s Spawn” was definitely used….and I’ll let you decide who they were referring to.

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ANYWHO.

I sat down to write this post tonight, and I felt like I needed to update you on my date, but honestly, after watching the debate tonight, and everything that has gone on this weekend, from Hurricane Matthew, to the shooting in Chicago, to the political climate, I just felt like…there are more important things to talk about than my love life….

So, to answer that first question, I had a lovely time on my date. Truly. He had me laughing the entire time, which I fully appreciate. Kind. Smart. Handsome. There will be a second date.

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And thank you to everyone “rooting” for me on the big night. Honest to goodness, it meant so much. 🙂

OK.

Now onto the important stuff.

I’m going to publish a post that I’ve had in my drafts for – literally 9 months. I haven’t worked up the courage to publish it…until now.

I thought it timely to discuss something that has been on my heart for a long time.

Part of the reason why I have been hesitant to write this is because I don’t want to offend anyone. Especially since it is election season, discussing “hot button issues” is always a recipe to rustle a few feathers.

But anywho…the Good Lord knows I haven’t minced words up until now, so this won’t be any different.

I am pro-life.

And here’s why:

During my adolescence, for a good two years, I had severe anorexia. You know this.

Although I never would have said, “I’m trying destroy my life,” I was doing just that. Compulsively exercising, barely eating, and lying about the whole bit, I wasted away to a mere 78 pounds as an 18 year old female. I was on death’s doorstep.

And though I would have never said, “I’m choosing to die,” my actions communicated otherwise.

Healing from an eating disorder is no small feat. The weight loss is merely a symptom of an internal battle being waged. And in order to overcome and heal, you have to get to the root of the internal issue. You’ve got to identify The Lie. And it’s different for everyone.

For me, I believed The Lie that I was not worth love. That the only way I was worthy of love was if I were perfect. Seems so trivial, but I believed it to my core. Enough to nearly die for.

And in order to heal, I had to replace that Lie with the Truth.

Which is this: I have worth because I am a child of God. 

I am made by the King: His precious daughter. And because of this fact (which I did nothing to earn) I have incomprehensible worth. My life has immeasurable worth.

The hardest thing for me to accept, was that my worth had nothing to do with my achievements. It wasn’t influenced by anything I did or won. Read: I didn’t have to be perfect. Which, frankly was a hard pill to swallow. Because I wanted it to be. I wanted to earn love and worth. That’s what I had grown up with in a family of overachievers. We earned success and the opportunities we had. But this was not the case with God.


And conversely, my worth and value was not decreased because of any shortcomings. I have a lot of “dirty laundry” and a past full of secrecy and lies associated with the disease. Hello — it was anorexia for pete’s sake. But even that had no effect on my worth as a human being.

I was made by God. His fingerprints are on me. And he loves me unconditionally.

And He proved my worth when He chose the cross.

That fact saved my life. It made me choose life. Choose recovery. Choose to live.

So how, then, can I not extend that truth to others? To the child in the womb? To the elderly on their deathbed? To the disabled or homeless? If I had worth at my 78 pound, emaciated shell of existence, simply because I was created by God, then so too, do all those other souls.

So too, do they. The only difference is that the unborn child, the elderly woman with dementia, the child with a disability that has left him unable to speak: those children of God are unable to use their voice to stand up for their worth as sons and daughters of our Creator.

So I must.

Human life is not disposable. And the only reason I have the authority to say that is because I nearly threw mine away. I took the gift that was my life, and abused it, despised it, spat on it, and pillaged any and all hope. So only having nearly lost it, do I now know how truly precious it is.


That is all.

I’m not going to try to change your minds or try and bash you over the head with statistics and figures about the unimaginable number of children lost to abortion in the United States since Roe v. Wade (58.6 million).

I’m just here to tell my story. And to tell how the only reason I’m standing here today is because knowing my worth in Christ made me choose life.

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

413 thoughts on “Anorexia & the Sanctity of Human Life”

  1. While I am no longer a Christian, I can associate with your story. Having dealt with depression, it was the idea of Christ loving me so much he would give up eternity for me that kept me going. Sometimes, I still want to believe it, but I can’t anymore.

    The thing I’ve drawn, personally, is that our lives are fleeting. We’re nothing but a whisper riding the echoes of forever. Because of this, our worth is personal, and the Christian faith is very much personal, as it relies on a relationship with the creator of all things. There is beauty in this, whether I believe it or not.

    Your words are poignant. And while I may side with you on the “pro-life” side of the aisle, I like to think that I’m fully pro-life, not just pro-birth. However, I know humanity all too well, and forcing laws that would cease all abortions wouldn’t lessen the issue…

    The problem with abortion is personal, and needs to be dealt with on a personal level – legislating controls over the masses isn’t what I’d call the right thing to do.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Robert, thank you for this reflection. I’m so glad that you were able to find freedom from that period of time in your life when you were battling depression. I’m so happy for you:) I definitely respect everyone’s beliefs and positions. Thank you for sharing this perspective. Hope you’re having a great Wednesday so far! Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 3 people

      3. I don’t share your beliefs as I am pro-choice but I do respect your beliefs and see where they are coming from. Luckily I have never been pregnant and so never had to make such a choice. Happy Christmas – I am sure with your deep faith you enjoy Christmas more than most people.

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      4. Hi Caroline! Thanks for this reflection. I really appreciate you joining the conversation. You’re right, I think it’s really awesome how open and full of respect you are. That’s so inspiring and exactly what our nation needs to heal from this divisive election. Same to you – have a very merry Christmas my friend. Sending big hugs xx

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  2. Thoughtfully said, and from a beautiful perspective.

    I wrote a pro-life post a while back and was pleasantly surprised and humbled by the responses I got. People who didn’t agree with my stance were kind and understood that I didn’t mean to offend but to share what’s on my heart. We mutually respected each other’s thoughts. I can’t think of anything more refreshing on an election year than pouring out your heart and being met with respect and consideration!

    I think it’s important for you to speak on heavy issues; your openness and sincerity will speak for you as long as you relate to things on a personal level and aren’t yelling condemnation and hell fire.

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    1. Thank you so much for this wonderful reflection. You’re right-mutual respect is so important these days. Especially in the politically charged climate we find ourselves in. Thanks for the encouragement:) Hugs and love xox

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      3. Wholeness, comes from understanding the creation and destruction cycle. What we value can destroy us as well as our society. God made us, God made Earth but to destroy any part would be to destroy God. Now, with our knowledge of how to destroy we achieve what Adam and Eve achieved. We achieve what Cain and Abel achieved. Understanding not that we are Gods but of our own creation and destruction. Now, I would have loved Eden and never touched what was beyond it. After my own culture’s genocide that knowledge of what was beyond Eden was placed on me. So, in short we love what’s in our hearts because that’s all we have to change.

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  4. Great blog! I am so glad that you understand how precious life really is. Few understand. God bless you for your courage to stand when it is difficult to. You are an amazing woman. Keep up the good work, in Jesus name.

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  5. You continue to amaze and inspire me. And upon realizing I also have anorexia and it is not easy to overcome! I’m thinking of switching to gluten free vegan too! It’s a bit complex because I am eating with a couple of my grandkids. And my youngest son. But I have to be able to eat foods that won’t cause me so much pain! I already avoid beef, pork, most gluten and most white sugar, also cut out coffee. It’s probably just because I had that surgery nine days ago. It’s hard to get back to eating enough after that type of thing. Keep shining, beautiful woman, you are amazing and I love you.

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    1. Thank you so much for this reflection and for sharing that. You’re right-addiction stems from the same place and can look different for different people. But the freedom is the same 🙂 thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  7. It was sad to hear what you have been through. However, you are a vibrant, adorable person with a great outlook on life now. I know how much you love God and Jesus because you “like” my articles on “christianarticlesblog.wordpress.com” Sounds like you had a date with a good man. I have been married 50+ years and having a good Christian spouse makes life such a pleasure and has really kept us together. Hope you have similar luck.
    sincerely, a good friend and believer,

    CB

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  8. God Bless you every day!! Yes keep laughing!! We need that. Hopefully he will keep you laughing, smiling, and feeling no less! Good luck with publishing. You are so amazing!! I am hoping CNY Latino is going to give a write up (in their monthly) on mine. I hope you get some good promo. You deserve it!! Biggest hugs and love!! xoxoxo

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  9. Ah, you are braver than me, I haven’t worked up to posting on politics. I am glad you realize you are a princess of God.

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  10. Thanks for checking out my blog. I’m glad you liked it! What a beautiful post you’ve written here. It is vulnerable, sincere and offers a perspective I’ve never thought of before. I believe that all life is sacred as well, but I love that you have given a personal account for your choice. Thank you!

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  11. Very powerful words Caralyn, I’m so glad you are pro-life because so am I. It makes me sad when I think of all the deaths through abortions,euthanasia, suicide etc. When compared to God’s omniscient wisdom, we cannot know His plans for each and everyone of us, however, there is something central and indispensable in each and everyone of us. Some role that only that one person can fill. One day, in the great by and by, we may be surprised to learn that the most critical people in God’s plan were the most humble and most broken and that we would have never have made it without them. God bless you ❤

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    1. Thank you so much! It’s nice to know I’m not alone in that. I know. It is truly tragic and heartbreaking. That’s a really powerful perspective-you’re right-one day those thing will be revealed. What a glorious day that will be 🙂 hugs and love to you friend xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I am so glad that you posted that! Life is such a gift. It hurts my heart to see people take that amazing gift for granted. The idea that there are so many people out there who don’t seem to understand that they have incredible, priceless worth, breaks my heart. I wish they could understand the magnitude of Christ’s love for them and the worth that He sees in every life! Be blessed.

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  15. Lovely. I’m always thrilled when someone gives personal and compelling reasons for why they are pro-life (or pro-Jesus, for that matter). So much more effective than preaching at people!

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  16. You are a remarkable young woman. I have only been visiting here a short while but there is so much strength and confidence coming off of these pages, strength and confidence that can only come from your faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. Kudos! for your courage in standing up for what you believe in; all of life is precious. May God bless you & keep you!

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    1. Wow thank you so much Lisa. What a kind thing to say. I’m so glad that you’ve enjoyed your time reading my posts:) I so appreciate you taking the time to read and for your wonderfully kind words of encouragement! Hugs and love xox

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  17. I missed this post–I blame the High Holy Days. Just wanted to say that I don’t think you have to worry much about ruffling feathers. I mean, I can understand wanting to keep your blog apolitical, but I hate to think of you sitting on posts just for fear of giving offense for speaking from your heart. I think the community you’ve built here can treat each other with respect, even on controversial topics.

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    1. Hi Jenn, thank you so much for this. That’s a really beautiful way to look at it-and I completely agree-this loving and compassionate little community DOES treat each other with respect. That’s why I admire each person who stops by, and their truly beautiful hearts and spirits. Sending massive hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  22. I miss a couple of weeks and you DO get out on a date 😀

    You made an interesting and thoughtful presentation, and certainly from a unique perspective that I had not considered. I would suggest, IMHO, that your situation is different from an obvious end-of-life situation. I think too often we are casual about using technology to extend life, as well as too casual about determining when life should end. But I do believe that there comes a time where, when the quality of life is terrible, where the outcome is known, where the delay is unwanted, that there should be an option for a quality of death that eases life. I don’t want to be put down for a hangnail, but I don’t want to struggle for months on a feeding tube, in pain, like my father did. If he’d had a choice, he’d have skipped the last five months of bedridden suffering. But I respect the view you bring, the perspective you shed, on the topic.

    On to date 2 sister 😀

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    1. Hi Jeff! Haha yes! How time flies! And thanks for that perspective. I can’t imagine the pain you must have experienced having to watch your father go through that. That breaks my heart. I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you have a nice evening! Hugs and love xox

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  23. Your posts are encouraging and hope filled. This one especially. Though I’ve never suffered from any eating disorders, your love of Christ is exhilarating. I don’t mean to say something that belittles your belief structure, but I know the RC faith pretty well; very little to nothing of any of your posts resemble that world view or tradition, except the few times you mention the Mass or something in-line with that area of the Catholic church. Keep posting on this wonderful blog of yours, it surely brings glory to the King, and I pray that you cross the Tiber one day.
    Maranatha

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    1. Hey Daniel! Thank you so much for your kind words! I’m so glad it resonated with you. That’s all I’m trying to do: bring glory to Him! 🙂 after all, I owe him literally my life haha. Hope you’re having a great week so far! Hugs and love xox

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  24. Dear one, I think it is interesting that it took 9 months for your thoughts to be born. Though I am pro choice, I honor your feelings so well stated and it gives me pause, Ill admit. god bless you and your honesty. His love is all.

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  26. I appreciate you sharing this. For someone that stuggles with faith, such as I; it was nice to hear why someone feels that way, instead of bashing because someone doesn’t agree with you. Unfortunately I have had an abortion. I strongly believed I was making the right choice at the time, but I’ve since come to wonder where I would be if I hadn’t. Although I believe in the right to choose and always will (with rules), if I were get pregnant today by some stretch of the imagintion, I would definitely have him/her. Ty for being candid. ❤ and strength to you.

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    1. Hi there friend. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m glad that this resonated with you. Everyone is on a journey and the way I see it, we’re all on this earth to walk with each other and love and support one another along the way:) I’m so glad you stopped by. Sending you the biggest hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  27. I agree whole heartedly. I published a post on abortion back in April and felt the same uncertainty about sharing, it was actually written several months prior. Once again thanks for your courage. Peace and love.

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  31. This is a great post! Sorry I’m just getting around to reading your content! You are an excellent role model (especially for teenagers)! I’m thankful for bloggers like you! Keep up the good work friend!

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  35. I would suggest writing about and posting any darned thing you want when you want to. We write for ourselves. The audiences response…well, for me, they own that. Do I have to say this does not relate to hate posts, etc? Write to get it out there. We write to figure things out. Don’t push down your thoughts, emotions, feelings. You are brave. I’ve seen you go all-in many times. Like Nike says “Just Do It!”

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  38. Knowing your own worth is such a hard thing to do. And it seems to be such a universally hard thing to do. We simultaneously think too much of ourselves and too little. Messing up what should be our real priorities with what the world says is important.

    There have been many times, in the middle of a conflict, the Lord has had to whisper in my ear, ” Be gentle with this one they do not know who they are and who they belong to.”

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  39. Takes a strong person to share something so personal. Recently done something similar myself. So glad to hear you are doing better. X

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  40. Good post! I don’t think pro-life means voting Republican, myself, in fact one can make a good case for doing the opposite. I hate abortion, and also a whole host of things, as you do, which are not pro-life. On the abortion issue itself, it is much more complex. When policies are in place from the Democratic Party, abortions go down. I’m neither Democratic nor Republican, I rather dislike both parties. I have to admit to being turned off when the church and pro-life organizations suggest that I should vote Republican if I’m going to vote pro-life. It is such a big subject, one in which good people will disagree, for sure. As one of Anabaptist persuasion, it’s easy for me not to vote at all. But we care about the nation in which we live, and pray for God’s blessing on it (Jeremiah 29). Just my thought.

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    1. Thanks for this reflection, Ted. Yeah that’s so true-no matter who wins tomorrow, we all will need to put aside differences and pray for the future of this country and its leader. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Hugs and love xox

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  41. So beautifully said! I lay here in my bed sandwiched between my husband and my 4 year old precious surprise at 44 years old (I’m now 49). My neck is kind of tweaked in an awkward position as I type with my thumb on my iPad, not waking either. Children are such a gift. Their pure love, their loyalty, their innocence, their HUMOR is good for the soul. Christ gives a peace to my life that I could not imagine being without.

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  42. I think your very brave to be so honest and thats what I love about your blog. I don’t really agree with abortion unless it is justified like a baby of a woman who was raped they may not mentally be able to cope with carrying that baby and certain medical reasons but apart from that I think if you don’t want your baby you should put it up gor adoption find it a nice family I don’t think you should kill your unborn baby xx

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  46. […] Not to mention the church’s often unpopular stances on hot button social issues, such as abortion and the sanctity of marriage, etc. This stereotype is only one contributing […]

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  48. I just read this. It was an enjoyable read, coming from a pro-life perspective myself. Anorexia is one of those topics I have some interest in because I believe so strongly in God’s healing power. It was interesting to read how you overcame it and how what you went through affected how you feel about the sanctity of life. I too have struggled with feelings of low self worth. There are times when I felt too condemned to eat. I think that more of us have struggled with this issue than we know. Thanks for sharing this.

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