What’s in a Name?

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet…”

I know. I know. Now a days good ol’ Bill’s iambic pentameter is about as relevant as a MySpace profile in 2016.

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OK OK, maybe an overstatement. After all, one of my favorite roles I ever portrayed was Lady Macbeth…

But I’ve gotta be honest…my boy, Leo DiCaprio in Romeo + Juliet was the best thing that ever happened to Shakespeare…

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*swoon*

But I digress.

Names.

What’s in a name?

I know I’ve recently come out with my name, but what about BeautyBeyondBones?

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I think a common misconception is that it is referring to my recovery from anorexia. From literally transforming from a skeletal frame to a healthy and vibrant young lady.

Which is true.

During the depths of my sickness, my skeletal frame was the physical manifestation of my interior brokenness. When I would look in the mirror, all I would see was the projection of my guilt, shame and inability to love myself. And I carried that into much of my early stages of recovery.

And I’m going to be honest with you. This aspect of my recovery – the mirror – has been one of the most difficult to shake. It has been an area where I can still get tripped up with – being so deeply disappointed in the reflection staring back at me – seeing only the pain I’ve caused my loved ones and deep shame I carry with me.

It wasn’t until I realized that my beauty comes from Christ living in my heart, that I truly began to heal. My physical body – my flesh, muscles, and bones – they’re beautiful, because they were “knit together in my mother’s womb” by the Lord. His handiwork.

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But it goes beyond that.

I want to just pause here for a second, because when I was in my disease, my mother used to tell me that. And even though she was 100% right on the money, I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to think about being a child of God. I wanted nothing to do with it. I just wanted to be alone with ED, self-destructing. Maybe you can relate.

Here’s something that I could have related to a bit more.

There’s a story in Ezekiel 37 that literally sums up my recovery. And it sums up Beauty Beyond Bones. I seriously almost fell out of my chair when I read it. Allow me to paraphrase:

God leads Ezekiel out into the desert where he is surrounded by tons of dead, dry, bones. Ezekiel asks God, “Can these dry bones live?” And the Lord breathed into the bones and they came to life. They came together, bone to bone, flesh appeared, and skin covered them. His “breath entered them, they came to life and stood up on their feet – a vast army.”  … God said, (13-14) “I will breathe my Spirit into you and you will live.”

I was that pile of dead, dry bones – both literally and figuratively. My hope was dried up, my body was dried up. I was lifeless: a shell of a human, without passion, without purpose, without hair, and without the belief that I could go on. I was a bunch of dead bones.

But Jesus breathed life into me. Into my dead bones, and brought them to life. He restored me. Restored my body, my spirit, my mind. He took the old, dead me, and gave me new life. He made me a new creation. 

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Believing that my beauty is beyond bones has been a long and arduous journey. And if I’m really honest, I’m still on it. But every day, I’m getting closer. Every day, Jesus works a little more and more on my heart.

And I celebrate the fact that I am no longer that pile of dead, dry, bones. God has breathed life into me, and that, friends, is the beauty beyond bones.

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

296 thoughts on “What’s in a Name?”

  1. What a beautiful post. The passage from Ezekial is simply stunning and so apropos! I am happy for you, that you have found comfort and salvation. xoxo

    Liked by 6 people

  3. “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the former things have passed away. And the One seated on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” ~ Revelation 21:4-5 This is what I love about your blog… You are very much a beautiful woman but it is your soul that shines… hence “beauty beyond bones,” I guess. Keep it up.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the former things have passed away. And the One seated on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” ~ Revelation 21:4-5 This is what I love about your blog… You are very much a beautiful woman but it is your soul that shines… hence “beauty beyond bones,” I guess. Keep it up.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m not quite sure how I found you, but I’m grateful I did. I really enjoy your posts. You are such a beacon of hope, not just for those in recovery from ED (or anything else for that matter) or those who have or are struggling with faith (I am the latter). You are simply a beautiful soul, and when you share vulnerably with us, we are blessed by it. That’s what I’m striving for in my own life – using my experiences (painful as they may be) to help someone else move through it a bit faster, or at least find themselves a bit quicker at the end of it. Thank you ❤

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Wow, what a kind thing to say. Thank you Erin. That really means a lot 🙂 That’s the beautiful thing about community : we all share our stories and we’re all on a journey together, helping one another along the way:) big hugs to you friend xox

      Liked by 2 people

  8. WOW! What a precious beautiful story. What an amazing testimony of Christ’s healing work in your life and heart. He can heal me as well and breathe life back into that pile of broken bones that is my heart. This is beautiful. I would like to re-post this on my blog site, For His Glory https://stevensawyer.wordpress.com/ I know my readers would love to hear how God worked in your life to bring you back from your brokenness. I would re-post it and include a link back to your site as well as a short bio and a photo (I love the one in this post.) I’d like to get a bit more info about you for the bio. Could I ask you to email me at stevesaw@gmail.com? If you’re not comfortable doing that, I can probably get enough from what you’ve shared on BBB. But I’d like to chat by email so we can make sure you have the info in the bio you want and don’t want. This is a powerful testimony. I know my readers will be blessed. I look forward to sharing this with my readers.
    Thank you, BBB, for sharing and for showing us again, where our beauty really comes from.
    Steve Sawyer

    Liked by 2 people

  9. This whole post was so beautiful. But I kept coming back to this line in particular, “God has breathed life into me.” It’s an amazing and wonderful statement. When you were at your darkest point, God breathed new life into you. And you are here now.

    May God bless you always. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Amazing testimony – beauty and hope in every little detail 🙂 thank you as always for being open and brave enough to share!

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  12. Oh, geez! I was trying to think of that term, iambic pentameter the other day! And I agree with your indictment of the same!

    This write reminds of a C.S. Lewis quote: “You are a soul. You don’t have a soul. You have a body.”

    Beautiful as ever, and for what it’s worth, when I saw your name, I got both references. I understand beauty beyond bones!

    Hugs, J

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  15. That was so awesome … great link between Scripture and right here and now! I feel you about the hair. What is it with women and hair LOL My hair isnt falling out or thinning (yet) but for the past 5 years it started growing in like baby hair (adrenal and thyroid stuff) … once again, great read! So glad you are doing better!

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      1. I’m doing what I can to keep my light “lit”. I’m making Pan De Muertos for Spanish classes at school. I’m focusing on getting my students ready for their upcoming December concerts. I’m riding my Vita-Life bike 1/2 hr every day. I’m trying to block out that which is toxic by others around me. Big hugs!! You are wonderful! You are incredible!! You are an amazing light!! xoxoxo

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      1. Favorite highway… good question. My first thought would be highways that I have distinct memories of. Like US 101… 101 passes through my hometown, so pretty much every childhood family road trip started there. And it’s one of the highways that is iconic in California culture; it goes along beaches, through rural valleys, through the coastal hills, and (farther north in the less familiar part of the state) through redwood forests. I’m also a bit partial to California state highway 99 (formerly part of US 99 before the Interstates were built), since that’s where I live now. There’s also a stretch of 99 north of here, between Sacramento and Chico, that I’ve always enjoyed because it reminds me of childhood trips to visit relatives in Chico.

        My favorite highway for its trivia and oddness is Interstate 238, in Alameda County south of Oakland. It is the most incorrectly numbered Interstate in the country; with a number ending in 38, it should intersect I-38 somewhere, but there is no I-38 at all, and if there were it would have to be at least partially south of I-40 which would put it hundreds of miles away from Alameda County. (How it got there: A short stretch of state highway 238 between I-880 and I-580 was upgraded to an Interstate in the 1980s. Because it intersects two other 80 highways, it should have a number ending in 80. But all the numbers ending in 80 were already used by other highways, so they just kept the existing number. After the intersection with 580, it continues on a city street as state highway 238, and the mile numbers on the exits on I-238 are numbered treating I-238 and state highway 238 as one continuous route. Personally, I think they could have made it 1080; I don’t think there is any hard rule that Interstate numbers can’t be more than three digits long.)

        Liked by 1 person

      2. haha wow this is awesome. I can honestly say I’ve never driven on any of those! Maybe the 101, but it would have been my mom driving. I don’t know. If it goes by USC, then yes! fascinating stuff. thanks for sharing! xox

        Liked by 1 person

  24. Couldn’t help but to think of the song Come Alive (dry bones) by Lauren Daigle while reading this! It’s one of my favorite songs right now, you should listen! Awesome post 😊

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  26. We all receive and therefore have the capacity to reflect God’s infinite grace and beauty, when I first read the name “Beauty Beyond the Bones,” I thought of that infinity. I thought of a beauty that was within, without, and throughout the bones, but not at all dependent on them, because the Beauty comes from God. Thanks for all of your great and inspirational posts!

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    1. Thank you so much for this great response. What a powerful view too! So true: beauty DOES come from God. And it’s seriously all around us: people. Nature. Music. The human brain. I mean, truly awe-inspiring when you take a minute to see it. Thanks for stopping by! Big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  29. This post is so touching, I’m honored to have the privilege of finally understanding the true meaning behind your blog title. You’re so amazing to have the strength and courage to be this open and you’re such an inspiration to me. Stay strong always 🙂 (did you get a chance to look at the email I sent you?)

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    1. Aw thank you so much! Yeah! That’s the story behind the name:) I did! I’m sorry I haven’t had a chance to respond yet. My friend was in town from Cali this weekend and just left this afternoon. It was a whirlwind so I’m just now getting to all my emails! I’m sorry for the delay! Sending big big big big hugs haha 🙂

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    1. Hi friend. I feel you. I have been in that place too. I just had to remember that no matter what crap I felt was separating me from God or making me unworthy of His love … God could handle it. I couldn’t be too messed up for Him. Because He can mend anything. That’s what helped me. 🙂 sending big big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you friend. 🙂 The difference that tiny little word can make. Praise God for the past tense! haha 🙂 but seriously, it’s true. God makes all things – even broken things – new. Hope your week is off to a great start! hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  33. Oh my I love that story. It always makes me wonder, what happened to those people?? Did they walk away and go back to normal lives? Did God really even actually physically literally do that? I mean there have got to be some serious repercussions for going out into the desert and breathing life into the bones of an army, right?

    And it kind of reminds me of how things go after someone has a major crisis – all of a sudden everyone is there and then slowly things cool down and eventually it all settles back down to something like how it was before–for everyone else. It makes me wonder what happens to some people after the after–except that I know because I’ve walked that road with people; it can be messy. But what happens to those people?

    I guess where I’m going with this is you know, you’ve come a long ways from that desert valley. And it still has a part of your identity but it isn’t all of your identity because there’s so much more beyond that graveyard and it’s really only the first chapter of the real saga. There won’t ever be a time when it won’t be a pertinent part of your story to say “Oh yeah, God found me in a valley full of dry bones,” but what’s in a name? I’ll tell you what’s in a name; God’s name is I Am; Presence. Your whole story is in a name. It’s so awesome to watch you, still looking ahead, still expectant for the more, for the greater, for the beauty beyond the bones, as well as the beauty that was them. There’s still a whole story ahead of you and I’m sitting on the edge of my seat waiting to see what Father has written in your book!

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    1. thanks Carson. Yeah, the only way I got out of that desert is with the help of God. He rescued me. And you’re right, that is my identity: I’m His. Wow, what a powerful way to look at it. Our stories all have one thing in common : God being I Am. Thanks for the encouragement Carson. I am definitely ready for God to reveal His plan for my life…annnnny day now 🙂 haha I will welcome it with open arms! haha thanks for stopping by! i hope your week is off to a great start! big hugs xo

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      1. I like that, one thing in common. It makes me think and puts everything into an interesting and provoking perspective because all the heroes and all the greats and all the mighty men all had the same I Am as me. I was thinking the other day about how all these people in the Bible we look up to had such horrendous flaws–I mean, lieing, cheating, adultery, murder, disobedience, you name it–but God. And people–Christians even–judge so quickly so harshly with zero wiggle room for I Am. It makes me sad to see stories being buried by the church before they’ve even started.

        Ha ha yes, annnnyyy day now! But He is I Am not I Will Be, so chill 😉 because it’s not just about our hope and future, it’s also about who He is Right Now and that’s the most important thing for all our deserts. Especially the deserts we call “Monday” – glad mine’s over 😉

        But kidding (mostly) aside, my week is off to a lovely start because it’s one less day till the weekend! ;D #letsjusttakethisonedayatatime
        Happy Tuesday! -The Other C

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  35. That writing is a thing of beauty in and of itself. It’s hard when you are in the depths of despair and other try to help but cannot. It can only come from within and with the help from God. You are awesome. Keep up the good work 🙂

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    1. Thank you so much for this. You’re right – I owe, literally my life to God. And you’re right .. He gives us the tools and empowers us to be able to do the work too. It’s a both/and 🙂 thanks for stopping by! hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  36. What is so exciting is that the new life you have been given doesn’t stay with you but shines through your blogs and touches many people – such an inspiration to us all.

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  38. Love this bible ref. of Ezekiel. Yes it’s so true, kudos to you Caralyn for sharing it. In my prayer healing training, I learnt that names and labels are very crucial to who we are, who we become, how they define us and how we see ourselves. Although BBB was very relevant to you when you were in recovery, that’s not who you are now. You have become the vibrant, empathetic and spirit filled woman who has a lot of love and wisdom within. Ask God to give you a new name, one which will define your true inner self.God bless you ❤

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  39. Ahh I almost knew the meaning behind your name yay LOL. I saw it as beauty beyond the bones that carry you, the beauty inside of which god put within you, I must admit this has kept me coming back to reading your Blog because the light in and shining from you is so powerful and so visible and of course the words God shares through you, even when its something personal like your virginity, I have released so much personal by speaking about them to church family, including the moments leading up to being ‘saved by God’, I was on the verge of following through with the plan of the voices in my head and when I started church they actually got worse because the voices were of the enemy, trying to cause me harm to the fact I feared going to places, because there was a possibility of it still happening, the fact was that I had to forced myself to stay on the sidewalk and not walk into oncoming traffic!!
    well on that not I shall send you lots of love hugs and butternut squash ice cream!

    Benjamin (the last born of Jacob!)

    Also check out this song: Awake my soul by Chris Tomlin ft lecrae

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    1. Hey Benjamin 🙂 Thank you so much for sharing this. haha so close! I like your definition though too 🙂 I’m so glad that you’ve embraced His love. Because it’s true … God carries both you and I. And I’m so grateful that you were saved too 🙂 you’re an awesome dude and I’m thankful for you! hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I am tremendously thankful for you, I’m so so proud of the progress you are making x. I hope your days is going well 😀

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  42. Hi Carolyn, wow say God works in mysterious ways? Where do I begin? I jave just spent 2 good hours reading random posts of yours. You see, I got the notification of this post in my inbox and I read it on my phone but thought to read it again on my laptop and then take the time to leave one of those my comments. Then one click after the other on the links therein led me to several posts and you’ll see I liked several a while ago after reading them that is. Now another gist is, I couldn’t open the vlog where you revealed your name, and just as I was about to return to this post and leave any comment which will come up, I saw you post on you revealing a picture of your former self. Well, it turned out be a vlog again which I couldn’t open but I went on to the comments and that’s where aha I SAW YOUR NAME 🙂
    Both your real name and BBB are beautiful, beautiful like our Heavenly Father
    I had a bout with ED but didn’t get any close to 35 kgs which is what my computer conversion of 78lbs is. I got to 68kgs at 1.70m and my mum was already reaching out for God’s Hair. Talking of Hair, I love yours and your storry of losing it and finding it all over again reminds me of Job’s story which my kids love getting me read it over and over…. ah I could on and on, but Thank you for being this heavingly in all your vulnerabilities… keep writing and you are blessed in abundance and I know you know that 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh Princess Carolyn, yes you are a princess because your are the beautiful daughter of An Almighty King: don’t worry with the vlogs, it’s the poor internet connection out here oh 🙂

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      3. Carolyn, I finally got to see your picture of that previous you and I coincidentally stumbled on one of my previous me too and now see why so many asked me tirelessly if I was sick. It was even at my kid sister’s wedding and I had tried to ‘puff up’ but I still had those shoulder blades so sunken and the face gaunt and the eyes shallow and all. I tried to mask those with eye glasses but I now see I resembled the grandmother of the bride in a size 6 dress. Oh God is so good. I left over eating to numb my inner pain out, and braved it from 115 kgs to whatever it was now… I remember fasting 40 straight days and mum almost pulling her eyes out. You are a blessing to me and multitudes. I am currently not even sure am ready to meet my Boaz yet, but am doing my ‘clean up’ by his grace. A spiritual retreat starts tomorrow. Big big hugs too all the way

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      5. it’s never all gone I dare say, but by His Grace I strive to thrive every single second. Goodnight princess, it’s 8.40 pm here and my mind shuts of at 9 pm to the second 🙂

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  43. Reblogged this on Church Set Free and commented:
    What’s in a name? As I was reading this post by BeautyBeyond Bones it brought to mind another name I hear so often. That statement of naming:

    “I am a Christian.”

    And as I read BBB explain what’s behind her blog name, I pondered – how many of us look deeply at what the naming of ourselves – our naming of “Christian” – really means. Do we ever get past the standard response of sin, sinner, saved, faith, believe, Jesus, rose again, eternal life, Church, God … ?
    And when I say “I am a Christian” – how deep do I really I want to go? How much do really want to know what my self-acclaimed naming really means to me today – right now – and just how might that new knowing change me?

    >>> As usual, comments are disabled here for a reblog – please join the (big) conversation at BBB’s place, thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for the reblog my friend! 🙂 You’re right — saying “I am a Christian” … that name changes us. I love this introspection. How deep does that name go? After all…even the name itself…CHRISTian. He’s in the name…He’s in our hearts….:) 🙂 🙂 hope you’re having a great day! hugs xo

      Liked by 2 people

  46. It must have been really difficult to be face to face with your illness every time you looked in a mirror or even at your hands. At least addicts can pretend they’re okay when they aren’t using! So glad you got over it and are able to share

    Liked by 1 person

  47. I’m amazed by your open testimony of faith. If only more people were so open and unashamed. Keep growing in that faith and being a living testimony for Him!

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  49. Absolutely Beauty Beyond Bones! God is faithful who knitted us in our mothers whom. The devil on the other hand sows seeds of doubt, lies and discourage into our hearts blinding us to see and feel the love of the Porter – Our Lord Jesus who loves us unconditionally regardless of our brokenness, doubt and unbelief. Thank you Jesus for being there with us always!

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