Recovery: 10 Years Later

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Sometimes I am really blown away by people.

In a good way.

Not in a Kendall Jenner, Pepsi/Fyre Festival fiasco sort of way…


But in a, wow, how did I get so lucky, kind of way.

My best friend said the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me the other night.

We were sitting at a bar, and she proceeded to floor me with kindness.

And honestly, I’d muuuuch rather be self-deprecating than self-affirming, but I’ve decided to share this with you to show the full circle that God has brought me on.

She looked at me and said, “I’ve finally figured you out.”

And I asked her, “What do you mean?”

She said, “Caralyn, I’ve been your best friend since we were seven, and I’ve seen people just be drawn to you. Attracted to you. And I could never pinpoint what that “it factor” was. But I’ve finally figured it out. You’re the only person I’ve ever met with this characteristic, but you’re yellow.“

And I kind of looked at her puzzled. I mean I know I eat a lot of carrots as a vegan, but…yellow?


And she said that I give off the color yellow. That I’m kind, effervescent, and joyful, and people are drawn to my “yellow.” That they are attracted to the warmth and light of my “yellow” because it makes them feel warm, and good.

And I just looked at her almost in disbelief, taken aback by the incredibly generous affirmation my best friend just blessed me with.

“You’re my ‘yellow’ girl. You’re rare and beautiful. Make sure you find a guy who is deserving of your ‘yellow.'”

So why did I tell you this? Because I can assure you, my skin is crawling and I’ve getting stress hives with the level of rodomontade in this post. But allow me to just take you back for a quick moment.

Let me set the scene.

giphy-5

10 years ago. To the day. Yes, today is the ten year anniversary of when I went to inpatient treatment for my anorexia. And one of the most defining moments at inpatient was during family week. We were each asked to make an art project depicting how the eating disorder effected us personally.

And I remember exactly what I made, because there was no doubt in my mind as to how the eating disorder impacted me.

I made a black coffin out of construction paper, representing my anorexia. And then inside the coffin, I put all different colors of confetti.

The eating disorder killed my colors.

I have always been a vivacious, fun loving, spunky, full of life – and full of color – girl. But my anorexia wiped out all the color in my life. It shrouded my life with a blanket of darkness.

And the thing is, I never thought I would be able to regain it. The pallor of my existence seemed too despairing to be able to imagine a life in color again. And even during much of my recovery, I felt as though I was still missing that vibrancy. I was a muted version of who I was. Of who God made me to be.

So wouldn’t you know, that on the eve of my 10 year recovery anniversary, that my best friend, who has known me through all stages – all colors – of my life, would tell me that I’m the only yellow person that she knows, it made me just smile at the goodness of God.


He has brought me full circle.

Ten years later, he has restored me. Brought me back to who I was. And confirmed it through my best friend in the whole world. I had never told her about that episode with the family week art project. She didn’t know that “colors” were anything meaningful to me. It was just from her heart. And, I believe, how God encouraged me and recognized my anniversary weekend.

The journey of recovery is long and arduous. And one that I haven’t been alone on. God has been rebuilding me, brick by brick, every day, a little more and more vibrant. You can’t always see your own progress, but others can. Especially your best friend.

Restoration is possible. Even when it seems unimaginable, nothing is impossible for God. And I’m sitting here, ten years later, confirming just that.


God has brought me back to life. Brought my colors back to life.

I’ve got my yellow back.

Outlook: sunny.

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

379 thoughts on “Recovery: 10 Years Later”

  6. Congratulations, and thank you for making a good part of your recovery a living testament to God’s boundless grace. Thanks for sharing 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Wow! So beautiful. I relate to you in so many ways, it is 10 years for me as well from bulimia. I am so happy to hear your story and success and healing! Thank you for sharing. Keep shining your yellow!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Our childhood colors are a gift. We lose them as adults because we forget the trick of allowing God to protect us. That’s a two-sided coin: we get hurt, but others gain inspiration when we reach back and remember to let him shine through the darkness. Thanks for continuing to bring us inspiration.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for this Brian. You’re right, we’ve got to allow the Father to protect us. This is a really awesome perspective. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts and taking the time to read! hope your week is off to a great start! hugs xo

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well, jeez, is there any better way to start the week than with a thought like that? Thanks for including me in your circle, Miss Joyousness!

        Like

  10. Congratulations on your anniversary and your amazing testimony! You are so beautiful and inspirational! Your testimony is going to touch many hearts and change many lives in a positive direction! At your talks you could give out yellow smiley faces!! I am so proud of you!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much Rick!!! 🙂 gosh, you are so kind to say that. I pray that it helps even one person. God is so good!! 🙂 hahah oh my gosh that would be amazing 😀 I love a good happy emoji!! 🙂 hugs xox

      Like

  12. Happy anniversary and many decades more of happy returns of that break through. people often look down to those who do the most amazing things. people who just admit they do need some help and start the long road to recovery! I am so proud of your achievement, 3650+ days of triumph. No easy won triumph and even the sweeter the victory. Keep going, yellow, green, red, blue or polka dotted, and any shade under Gods Sun! you are made of awesome #StrictMotivation

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh thank you so much. I really appreciate that. Yes, asking for help is probably one of the hardest steps! Oh wow, I’ve never worked out the math to see how many days, but sheesh! that’s a big number!! 🙂 haha polka dotted, that made me chuckle. thanks again! big hugs xox

      Like

  13. Our Good Good Father is the God of resurrection. For all of us, when he returns as he promised in John 14:1-3 (and many other places) and the age of death is over, he will resurrect us – mortal shall put on immortality, corruption shall put on incorruption. For all of this, in some way shape or form, he begins this resurrection even today – in our mind, body, and relationships.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for this beautiful reflection. YOu’re so right – He is the God of resurrection, and how incredibly blessed are we to be His children 🙂 thanks for stopping by, Brad. Big hugs to you xox

      Liked by 1 person

  15. You know, I probably wouldn’t have picked that out before specifically but I totally see that in you ( and all over you 🙂 ) And I guess we can all stop wondering now whether God remembers his anniversaries 😉 oh what a wonderful, caring Father ❤

    This also makes me think again about auras – I'm sure yours is just radiant with all that yellow 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Carson! Thank yo so much 🙂 THat’s so kind of you to say! hahah yeah! we can confirm that He doesn’t forget!! But then, I guess we should have realized He’s a sentimental “softie” with His gift of the rainbow 🙂 haha Yeah, I don’t know much about auras either, but it makes me think of that too. thanks for stopping by! big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Haha, a big sentimental softie indeed (:

        A friend I met a long time ago could see them (then) and I’d never really even heard about them so that really opened my eyes to the coolness of our biology and how down to our bio electric systems we’re all pulsingly glorious. Anyway, that’s another subject 🙂 Have a wonderful week my friend ❤

        Like

  16. AAAHHH this post is so beautiful!!! And something very similar happened to me recently. I discovered that I attract good people/bring out the goodness in people. I don’t know if this is law of attraction or what but I think it’s really important to be nice to others and I just realized that people notice that, and it kind of draws them to me and we all share in kindness together. I think God orchestrated that little realization for me because I’ve been feeling really shy and anxious around people lately, but I think maybe I don’t have to be so guarded.

    Also, oh my God yes, recovery is so possible. You and I are living and breathing proof of it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aw, thank you so much girl 🙂 You are so kind. And how awesome! You’re really onto something there — being kind is good for everyone involved!! And i think it was definitely orchestrated 😉 Yes! *So* possible 🙂 You are amazing and i’m so glad we’re friends!! big hugs to you!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  17. Wow it made me feel good too. It is also nice to know someone else is being personally healed by God. I don’t want to offend you but I have often though you were part oriental. I’m a Eurasian and can usually recognize Asian (Chinese) blood. Yes you look “yellow” but not the colour but the race. Actually on second thought and from your posts your friend has got it right you are the colour yellow.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Aww, good! thank you so much, friend 🙂 yeah, God is so good and I thank Him everyday for saving my life 🙂 hah, you’re definitely not the first person to say that! In fact, my agent often submits me for those types of roles. But I am actually German and Irish! I just eat a lot of carrots (like a ton) and so my skin has taken on a yellowish-orange hue! that really is a thing! hahah but thanks for your kind words 🙂 big hugs to you! xox

      Like

  24. First of all – HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!! Tonight’s podcast is one of those times when I missed something reading but caught easily listening to you! And thank you for so bravely sharing yourself with us!! The rest is at Patreon.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Wow ten years, what a blessing! Hard work but powered by the only Source all the way through. You will probably never know all the ways you help others who read what you write but also those who watch you grow without saying a word-but learn from you. Congrats – keep moving forward and never give up. This is one follower and fan who knows that blessings by the downpour are still out there for you because that’s what God does for his children. Thanks for sharing the person God is growing inside of you. John

    Liked by 1 person

  27. First off, congratulations on getting through this with God’s gracious help. Secondly, couldn’t avoid noticing that you built your recovery “brick by brick.” Yellow bricks, no doubt! You and Dorothy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Elizabeth 🙂 I really appreciate that. Yes, His gracious help indeed. And on my gosh! hahah you’re so right! Follow the yellow brick road! haha oh my gosh that just made a huge smile cross my face! 🙂 hope you’re having a great evening. hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  30. As much as I love the picture, I am so glad you came out from under your profile “sunhat” because you are beautiful and you glow and instead of a hat shielding you from the sun, you are now allowing the light of the SON shining brightly over you and even brighter THROUGH you! Congratulations on your anniversary and you are a blessing!

    Liked by 1 person

  31. This post really made me smile. I need to be around more positive feelings. I can’t pinpoint an experience where my colors died, because I don’t know that mine have ever been alive in the first place. I wish I had more friends like you living nearby.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for sharing this, Pi 😉 I’m glad this made you smile. I’m sorry that you’ve feeling that way. I hope that this May brings with it a reawakening of bright color in your life 🙂 I wish you lived nearby too! That would be so fun:) Even at a distance, I’m so grateful that you’re “in” my life! big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  34. I love your testimony. It is always great to come across a young person who has discovered the love and grace of God. And your friend is correct. You definitely glow with color. That’s what happens when love wins.

    Liked by 1 person

  36. As I saw your photo at the end of your post, I agree…you are yellow! I’ve always loved the color yellow and didn’t know exactly why, but your friend described it well. Your eyes and smile give off that joy.

    Liked by 1 person

  38. One such inspirational post could be a lifechanger for many. I’m really touched. You have a long way to go my friend. Kudos for your work. Keep writing!

    Liked by 1 person

  39. What a post. What a fantastic post, really I mean it. no wonder why I like yellow so much. Dear friend, you are a warrior. I also like the idea of Soundcloud. I use it quite a bit myself… Perhaps that’s also something I should start doing not solely based on the idea that you’re doing it and I have to do it because of you. Soundcloud allows me to speak out on things that are impossible to type. Don’t get me wrong, I like typing but I like talking a whole lot more. Maybe that’s why I stopped studying journalism and began to study radio instead…

    May God Bless You and Make his light to shine down upon you just don’t get sunburnt.
    God Loves You This you should know for the Bible tells you so…
    Anthony

    Like

    1. Thanks Anthony 🙂 What a kind thing to say. Yes! I love soundcloud too! I offer podcast versions of all my posts over on Patreon. I decided to post one for this particular one though, because I wanted to make sure that my tone of voice came through on this. thanks for stopping by. big hugs xo

      Like

  40. It’s so interesting that you said the black coffin engulfed the colors that you knew had to be somewhere. In one of my treatment centers, another woman said something similar; that she felt dead and the blackness had absorbed her colors. But isn’t that what black is – the absorption of all colors? So perhaps black doesn’t represent death or absence. What if black represented exactly what it is: the colors that are so vibrant, so real, so deeply felt, that they become indistinguishable from each other? Meaning: they’re still there. The colors are still there. As long as we have the blackness, the colors exist. And if colors represent life, then it’s reasonable to believe that they can become overwhelming at times and some of us view the mixture as too much, so we do whatever we can to diminish it. Then we feel that blackness that we equate with death. But, to me, black is beautiful because it has the capacity to absorb every color, every feeling, every experience. It’s not a sign of darkness, to me. It’s a sign of everything that makes up life. That’s how I think of it, at least.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh wow, that is such an interesting perspective. thank you so much for sharing it, Nancy. I didn’t know that about blackness being the absorption of all the colors. How very powerful to think about. thanks for sharing it with me. big hugs xo

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I tend to over-analyze and focus on the exact wrong thing, so I wanted to come back and say congratulations on your recovery anniversary! I am 35 and am still struggling, but that’s a good thing. The very definition of struggling is “strive to achieve or attain something in the face of difficulty or resistance”, which means I haven’t given up. I love your blog and writing style and actually just linked your page in my latest blog – I hope you don’t mind. I can take it down if you would prefer. I don’t have many followers, as I’m mainly just needing an outlet for my thoughts, but even so, if you are uncomfortable with my link, I’ll definitely remove it. Anyway, I love how you can make your personality shine through the internet. That’s such a gift.

        Like

      2. Thanks again Nancy. That’s such a powerful perspective – you’re right – you haven’t given up and that is something to celebrate. Cheering you on. ❤❤❤❤

        Like

      1. Thank you! I am way too analytical, trying to make sense of life using facts. It helps me to reason through my irrational thoughts. I’m glad you can appreciate that.

        Liked by 1 person

  42. Once again, your post reminds me of a song lol. It’s titled “Pieces” by Red. God has a way of breaking us down and then remaking us into something even better than what we were before. Just remember that you are a daughter of the one true king, and that you are no longer defined by who you once were, but that your identity is found in Christ, and that is the only person whose opinion should matter to you.

    Here’s the song if you’d like to give it a listen.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for sharing this! I can’t wait to take a listen. you’re so right – because once we’re broken down, He can build us back up healed and whole and new, and capable of fulfilling His will. Thanks for this beautiful encouragement. big hugs xox

      Like

  43. The song “Yellow” by ColdPlay was in my head while reading your post. I am so happy for you for overcoming. God bless you.

    Liked by 1 person

  44. Oh my goodness. This almost brought a tear to my eye. I think it is crazy that your best friend told you of this truth on the day of your 10 year anniversary of recovery. God is so real, and he is shining through your story!

    Much love,
    Ashley | dearash.com

    Liked by 1 person

  45. 10 YEARS of FREEDOM!! As they say in the baptist church….Won’t he do it? God is good. You have been beyond blessed and a blessing to many in this journey of recovery. You are YELLOW.

    Hold close to that friend who has stuck with you all these years. She is some GOLD in your life. Not many people have that at all.

    Thank-you for allowing us to hold your hand through this beautiful journey!

    -JV

    Liked by 1 person

  46. Lovely. Ten years ago I was in the midst of an awful relapse from anorexia…now the world DOES seem full of freedom and possibilities because God has graced me with His guidance and love. I love that He is using you to reach and bless others through your testimony. 👍❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Lauren, for sharing your story. I’m sorry that we both have that in our pasts that connect us, but how amazing that we are both living in His freedom and peace. Thanks for the encouragement and I’m cheering you on! Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m cheering you on as well. 😉 At first I used to wonder why God would have me/us go through situations like this…but in the end, it’s all for His glory!

        Like

  48. Great post! One of my close friends passed away from cancer last year and in her eulogy something very similar was said about how she embodied the color yellow. I think, knowing my friend and who she was, that might be one of the highest compliments you could receive. Reading your posts I can see how your friend would make this comparison. Thank you for sharing your “yellow” with the world!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much Serena, for sharing this. I’m so sorry for your loss. Gosh that is so tough. Thank you for your kind affirmation. Sending you all the love in the world and keeping you and your friend’s loved ones in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  50. Inspiring post and I admire your journey through that dark period. So do not take this the wrong way, but instead of looking at God, why not look at yourself and thank yourself, because in my eyes you did this all yourself 🙂 You are strong, persevering and I take my hat off to you.

    Liked by 1 person

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