Like a Woman Scorned…

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

This post tonight, is being served with a side of indignation.

Because I am angry.

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I hesitate to post this, because, well…you’ll see. But I need to vent.

You see, I’ve recently started reaching out to various potential sponsors for my blog. Exciting times, I know.

So I contacted an eating disorder treatment center this afternoon. Wrote them a beautiful letter, inviting them to check out my blog.

And this woman sends me back a one-liner: “Certainly promotes being skinny!”

Exclamation point.

Certainly promotes being skinny…exclamation point.

Do you hear that? It’s the sound of the are-you-freaking-kidding-me explosion of outrage detonating inside my soul.

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But more than outraged, I was just hurt.

First of all…the fact that a mental health professional wrote such a derogatory word to a former anorexic is just the epitome of insensitive.

But this blog is an extension of my soul. Literally. I have poured out everything I have – my spirit, my weaknesses, failings, struggles, triumphs, fears — everything — in the hopes that even one person would read my words and feel comforted that they’re not alone. Find hope. Encouragement. And for someone to merely reduce it to something as superficial as being about promoting “being skinny” — it was just an ice cold slap in the face.

During my anorexia, I nearly died in the quest for “skinniness.” I starved myself down to 78 pounds, and even then, I didn’t believe that I was “skinny” enough. The scale and my reflection tormented my spirit and led me to destroy relationships, miss my high school graduation, delay college, become infertile, plague my self-worth and seriously damage my relationship with God. Not to mention becoming osteopenic as an 18-year-old girl, flirting with death.

Skinny almost killed me. And I’ll be damned if I ever do anything remotely close to promoting it.

Lastly, I don’t mean to be all “over-sensitive.” I mean, I can hear my father reading this right now, going, “Just let it go…” (In the most loving way possible, of course.)

But I took this very personally. I mean, it goes without saying that my image is all over this blog. And, okay…maybe too much, I’ll admit.

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But, I have been very open with the fact that I have Ulcerative Colitis. And the way I have stayed in remission for the last six years is through a radical, therapeutic diet, called the Specific Carbohydrate Diet. (SCD) The Seattle Children’s Hospital actually just published a study a few weeks ago, proving that it cured 80% of the participants with Crohn’s/Colitis.

But it’s how I have to eat, and I have done a damn good job, if I do say so myself, because it is hard. But it is what I have to do to stay in remission. I was on bed rest for eleven months with an Ulcerative Colitis flare in 2011 that nearly took my life, and the SCD saved me – (and my intestines from being removed). In fact, I even published a cookbook with my SCD recipes.

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UC Flare ’11

BUT – all that being said, I am very well aware that this therapeutic way of eating keeps me slim. But I work hard to maintain a healthy weight, and I do. And I do not appreciate getting slapped with the term “skinny” from this mental health professional who apparently only qualifies women as “recovered” if they are on the high end of normal.

I’m sorry, would you like me to send you my vitals and recent blood work?

I just. I have no words.

And I’m sorry if this sounds like an eye-roll-worthy rant fest from a thin girl complaining for getting called “skinny.” Believe me, I know that there are far more pressing issues in the world.

So. To placate this insular inferno…here are six things this blog does promote.

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1) Loving God, because without Him, we can do nothing.

2) Loving other people, because everyone is on a journey, and could use a friend along the way.

3) Claiming the truth that you are loved by the Creator, and deserve to live in that abundant joy each and every day.

4) Accept and embrace our short comings and weaknesses, because they do not define us, and have been forgiven and redeemed through Christ.

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5) Recognizing that I have worth and value because Christ died for me, and nothing in my past – even an eating disorder – can negate that fact.

6) Loving Christ in you…therefore, loving yourself.


So there you go. If you’ll notice, “being skinny” is not on the list of things I promote.

Never has been. Never will be.

Hope that clears things up…

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546 thoughts on “Like a Woman Scorned…”

  3. I’m so glad you’ve got an amazing support group in your followers! 🙂 And since so many have already echoed what I was going to say, I’ll send a virtual hug instead. If we never meet in person here on earth, I can’t wait to meet you in Heaven. I think we’d have lots of fun conversations. You are truly a light in the darkness, so don’t let one person’s hurtful remark dim your glow. Shine brighter for it. I like what one woman had to say about how sometimes we think we’ll benefit a certain group of people over “here,” when God has far grander plans for us over “there.” He’ll guide you where He wants you to be through those open and closed doors. One step at a time, right? 🙂 Blessings!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. thanks so much Laurie. aw, I really appreciate your virtual hug! Yes! I’m sending a big hugs right back to ya. hahah – yes, isn’t that a fun and exciting thought to think about Heaven!! 🙂 Thanks for your encouragement. big hugs x

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  5. Be at peace, dear sister. You are beloved.
    If you’re going to go out and speak publicly, you will face this from your audience. Many of them will have succumbed to ED as a reaction to “fat shaming,” and so be predisposed to believe that your story doesn’t relate to theirs.
    Your history of Crohn’s disease could be an effective response to their “skinny-shaming.” You might try sending a follow-up letter (perhaps after taking this post down) to see whether it elicits sympathy and respect.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re working through a difficult process. I think that you have confidence in yourself in the context of your established relationships, but may be sensitive to criticism from others. I see this experience as another step towards a deeper healing and evolving strength. When I went through this after my divorce, it didn’t take many experiences of walking in another’s shoes (or “turning the other cheek”) before I realized that people generally reward compassionate persistence.

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  7. Very informative view of hell. Thank you very much. A woman and her scorns. Yes, indeed. How would you characterize other kinds of hell?

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      3. Trying to break into the laissez faire world, I see. Good for you. Nevertheless, God is not in very high demand right now. I thought you of all people would know that. I’m not trying to goof or mock. Laissez faire is not that into God. I thought you knew that.

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      4. I am really sorry to say it, but those that makes money now in the entertainment is those that takes off their clothes and those that make loud sounds. I’ve seen your pictures. I’ve listened to your recordings on soundcloud. You are neither of these. But good luck, anyway. You’ll find some way through all this, or not.

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      5. Okay, so I talked a lot of shit on this post. Again, it’s a game. I’m sorry if you’ve been offended by it. I’m just gonna quit playing. I can see that it goes nowhere. I’m sorry if I offended you in this cat-and-mouse game of search-and-answer search-and-answer. A mind tool to refine refine refine understandings as the refining of gold. It has helped me tremendously in my learning, the ability to question everything, my every belief from top to bottom. Has made me strong. I only hoped to share the techniques of search, study, dig, in order to see if you would appreciate or value these techniques of learning. I am a pioneer in education. Good-bye then. It seems this is our parting. I wish you well in your life struggles, and achievements.

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  8. Wow, I stand with you in your frustration and rage. In the short time I have read your blog, I have come to appreciate your voice and how you express yourself. It is something I aspire to, not necessarily on a blog, but in all aspects of my life as a social worker, Jesus lover, friend, and community member. I have no tolerance for forms of ignorance and the injustice that follows from that. I also don’t think you have to justify yourself as a woman and say, “I am not trying to be overly sensitive” because I hate that in our culture women have to justify themselves for saying honest and real things and then fear backlash for the label of being whiny, too emotional, shrill or what have you. Rock on lady! You are a beautiful woman of God, we are not perfect, but thank you for your courage, your voice, and for being unashamed (Romans 1:16). I appreciate you.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Caralyn,
    Well done! I guess I’ll never cease to be amazed, appalled, and/or offended by those who speak before they think. Your experience proves once again how some people really need to exercise their freedom of thought before they exercise their freedom of speech. Sorry you had to be on the receiving end of such thoughtlessness.
    My prayers go out to you.
    Be Blessed & Be Well my friend,
    John

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    1. Thanks so much John. Yeah this has definitely been a great reminder to think before i speak. i can get a little sloppy on that, but it really is so important. thanks for your prayers and encouragement. big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Heck, people say crazy things all the time.
    Ranting is fine. But I’d take your Dad’s advice and let this go as soon as possible. I’ve been misrepresented too and there’s only so long you can dwell on it before it starts affecting your confidence. So it’s just better to forget it.
    For the record, though, skinny promotion is the last thing I would think of in relation to this blog. I question whether anyone who thinks that even read the words.
    Keep it up.

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  12. Your Tom gif certainly captures MY reaction to her flippant comment. You’re totally on target to be pissed off about that response. In fact, I’d be sufficiently PO’d to write quite a sharp letter to the center and to their sponsors indicating that perhaps they don’t have a quality eye towards how to respond to things. Yeesh!!!

    I think you left one thing off your list, hope for the ability to see change in the future. And it’s not just hope in Christ (which I know is foremost on your mind and heart) but just hope that although you were really ‘in extremis ‘ at one point, good medical care, continued searching for solutions, and the love of God and family, brought you through. Some may not have the family, or God, but even they can gain hope through your story.

    xox

    Liked by 1 person

    1. haha thanks Jeff, yeah I thought it pretty well captured mine as well! thank so much for your kind comment. I love that so much : You’re right – seeing change in the future is so important, and something i strive to do! thanks for making my day brighter : ) big hugs xo

      Liked by 1 person

  14. I am so sorry. I am actually shocked that was the response you received (I know I probably shouldn’t be). I think what you’re doing is nothing but positive. Keep doing what you’re doing and don’t let a thoughtless, one sentence response invalidate that. You’ve got this! #warriorsoul 💪💪😀

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  15. Wow I can’t believe that was the response from a clinic! Unbelievable. Your blog is great, and I believe it reaches a diverse audience. I am consistently inspired by your resilience and also your exemplary faith. Keep doing what you’re doing! ❤

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  16. x I’m so sorry that you were sent such a dismissive reply and I’m glad that you decided to speak out about it. I have found your blog and your own spirit inspiring in terms of my own recovery. I also appreciate your spirituality and the genuineness with which you approach life xxx keep writing and believing in yourself and thanks for being you and being here xx Em

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  18. All they prove is high-level decision maker’s ability to terribly misjudge what they don’t understand based on a cursory look at opportunities. William Paul Young was rejected by several book publishers. Now his book “The Shack” is one of the all-time best selling Christian books, bringing emotional and spiritual healing to thousands.

    You know who you are, Caralyn, and what you’re about. And what you have to give is very much needed. The right people will find you in time. 🙂

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    1. Thanks so much Mel. This really means a lot. Oh wow – what a powerful story! I actually just wanted the film version of his book the other weekend and loved it! I was actually thinking about doing a write up about it — very moving! thanks for your encouragement (as always) 🙂 you’re a great friend! hugs x

      Liked by 2 people

  19. This is absolutely outrageous! I can’t believe someone – especially a professional who is supposed to be working to help other sufferers – came back with such an unthoughtful, inconsiderate response about your wonderful blog. She definitely can’t have read the content – if she did she would have read the encouraging words and positivity.

    Believe me – professional or not – she has NO idea what she’s talking about. Love to you ❤️ your blog is incredible ❤️⭐️

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  20. Forgive me, but then I suck at political correctness, bur HORSE SHIT! Never one have I read your blog and thought yeah she wants people to lose weight or be skinny. You are very open about your recovery and want others to know you are there for them to do the same! What an uncaring twit!

    As a non believer, I sometimes skip over some posts, but others I read time and again. I have found you to be loving, caring, healing and open to all. (OK darn cute as well) I have no idea where that lady would have gotten her opinion.

    The heck with her!

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  21. The woman who answered…is she the director? I would suggest her supervisor might need to know the kind of “compassion” she is promoting. And not in the interest of vindictiveness, but in the interest of promoting some positivity. And I’m going to state something obvious, so correct my short-sightedness, if I am wrong, but doesn’t anorexia actually create some “skinny” – even IF the person with anorexia doesn’t believe it? It baffles me that, if she wasn’t interested, couldn’t simply say “Thanks, but no thanks…”

    I think your rant is justified…
    I wish I could rant as respectfully as yourself. I use choice words that have no place among the sensitive…

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  23. Unfortunately, being hasty to judge others is all too common. But, now that you’ve had a chance to get angry and express your anger (congratulations, i always have trouble with that part), perhaps you can forgive, for they know not what they do. From where I sit, you have written a very courageous blog post. Congratulations, again!

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  24. This is a very worthy rant from a very misinformed unprofessional person who has chosen the wrong profession! You and God knows your heart behind your blog! Shake off discouragement like a duck shakes off water. Square your shoulders in forgiveness, choose not to be offended and keep on keeping on in the spirit! You have and will touch more people than that person will ever help! Blessings!

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  26. You do a great job as an advocate for others who are going through what you’ve already been through. I don’t know why but sometimes it is the professionals in certain fields that are the biggest jerks. Pray for them to have a change of heart and lead with a servants heart like you. 😎

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  27. Rude and unprofessional. You bare your soul here and help others. Don’t let that person bring you down, or anyone for that matter. You are a survivor!

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  28. I’ve had ignorant comments said to me by health professionals too. See if you can report the person. Otherwise, try and brush off the comment. Easier said than done, I know, The comments burn by someone of their stature.

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  29. Hi Caralyn, Jesus said a prayer for you in this situation in John 17 :

    9“My prayer is not for the world, but for those you have given me, because they belong to you. 10All who are mine belong to you, and you have given them to me, so they bring me glory. 11Now I am departing from the world; they are staying in this world, but I am coming to you. Holy Father, you have given me your name;b now protect them by the power of your name so that they will be united just as we are. 12During my time here, I protected them by the power of the name you gave me.c I guarded them so that not one was lost, except the one headed for destruction, as the Scriptures foretold.

    13“Now I am coming to you. I told them many things while I was with them in this world so they would be filled with my joy. 14I have given them your word. And the world hates them because they do not belong to the world, just as I do not belong to the world. 15I’m not asking you to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one. 16They do not belong to this world any more than I do. 17Make them holy by your truth; teach them your word, which is truth. 18Just as you sent me into the world, I am sending them into the world. 19And I give myself as a holy sacrifice for them so they can be made holy by your truth.

    20“I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in me through their message. 21I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one—as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me.

    22“I have given them the glory you gave me, so they may be one as we are one. 23I am in them and you are in me. May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me. 24Father, I want these whom you have given me to be with me where I am. Then they can see all the glory you gave me because you loved me even before the world began!

    25“O righteous Father, the world doesn’t know you, but I do; and these disciples know you sent me. 26I have revealed you to them, and I will continue to do so. Then your love for me will be in them, and I will be in them.”

    Liked by 1 person

      1. This is an example of the world rejecting the Jesus Christ in you. Look to this often as you have times of doubt with your walk with Jesus. By this you shall know your are set apart unto Our Lord’s family. Victory is our Mighty God, go and live confident in this Victory over the world my sister in Christ.

        Liked by 1 person

  30. Obviously she only looked at your images and didn’t read the content….as long as you are in good health keep doing what you’re doing. You will never please everyone. Keep going forward and keep the faith!!

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  31. Sorry to hear that. Perhaps that person has some of their own hang ups? I haven’t walked in your shoes or struggled with an eating disorder like you did, but I understand the recovery process. And I understand that everyone’s on their own journey–some with God, some without, and all with a variety of ideas of “truth” when it comes to recovering. It looks like you are doing a great service to your readers and seeking God–he will bless this, so hang in there!

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  33. I once submitted some of my poems to a publisher. I got four words in reply: “Thanks but, we’ll pass.”

    We’ll pass? That just hurt. I didn’t write another poem for over a year and a half. Nothing stings quite so bad as when it hits you where you’ve poured so much of your heart into.

    Anyways, I love your blog. Even if I don’t get to read it as often as I’d like. And she’s totally wrong. Hang in there, you will find the right sponsor!

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  34. I’m so sorry you had to get that response! You are one of my favorite bloggers (shhh! 😉) You are such an inspiration by just being you! It really surprises me that a professional IN THAT FIELD would have the lack of knowledge to say that. I’m angry for you 😤

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  35. What a completely silly & pointless thing to say (to you.) But isn’t it beautiful to see how God has “used this” to strengthen your own Truth regarding your life and the mission He has tasked you with in helping others. Remember “God does not make junk,” so too has He used this person’s insensitive words to bring a fresh look 👀 at your pure intentions. That’s ultimately grace…. Hugs dear one!💕

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      1. Of course! Anytime! I always want to help talented writers trying to make it in the world of literature like I am. Keep it up! Got good stuff!

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  37. Oh wow, I am sorry that happened. Is there anyone else you can address that comment to at the treatment facility. Maybe you have already, but if she said that to you it is curious who else she might offend as a patient. Honestly, I do not see this perception of “skinniness” when I visit your blog. I see a beautiful young woman sharing her life experiences so others might learn. And you have a right to be angry. I am angry for you. Wishing you all the best. Hugs.

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  38. I’m new to the blogging word, but I’ve got to say, I’ve really been enjoying your posts. Though arguably the manliest man that ever manned, much of what you discuss (chick stuff, lol) hits home for me.

    I too, suffer from health issues, and do my best to eat for optimal fitness.

    Before I got sick, I was a professional athlete. I met lots of different people with different (unsolicited!) opinions about my physique. I think – like many ‘body positive’ types these days that seem to view anything short of obesity as an unrealistic standard of health and beauty – what the woman you encountered is failing to realize is that the antithesis of anorexia is not obesity – it is a healthy body. A healthy body does not carry a ton of excess fat. A body in optimal health is relatively lean and strong – a condition which goes a long way to protecting and preserving joint and cardiovascular heath.

    That said, I know all-too-well that optimal health is not always achievable for a number of reasons; even so, as a Christian, I believe that is our responsibility as believers to do our best to stay in as good a shape as possible so that we’re ready to serve in whatever way God desires. If God calls me to run a marathon (Please, Lord, no!) I want to be ready to do it. And to do that, I can’t be carrying around a ton of excess fat.

    Furthermore, I…

    Huh. It appears I’m babbling. I’ll stop now. 🙂

    Cheers!

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    1. Thank you so much Joe. Oh good, I’m so glad you’ve been enjoying my posts! Hahaha oh my gosh you made me chuckle with your manly comments 🙂 cheers to optimal health! Thanks again xox

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  39. In my experience, mental health “professionals” are anything but. In the time I spent in “intensive outpatient therapy” I found the other patients to be much more help than the therapists who were assigned to us. Hang in there. You’re doing great and are smart enough to recognize when somebody doesn’t know what they’re talking about. I wish I had a business so I could sponsor you.

    Liked by 1 person

  40. Wow. I’m a Gryffindor so this was my immediate reaction: I’d like to give them a piece of my mind! But my second reaction is that it’s probably totally inappropriate to reveal contact information like that and it’s best to encourage you that your faithful readers do not see you this way. You post pictures of yourself being happy. You write uplifting material (I’m not Christian myself, but I appreciate your passion and love for your religion because it is deeply meaningful to you, and this is YOUR life you’re talking about, not mine). You promote wellness. You support people. I feel like this thoughtless person didn’t actually read your material. You don’t need “support” from such a person. But I would highly suggest making a comment on their company website and sending a copy of this email to their corporate office or HR. I don’t think you’re the only person who would think her response is highly inappropriate and she should be held accountable by her employer.

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  41. I know you’re skinny and thought you just have a healthy diet. Never thought the blog promoted unhealthy habits – I don’t think skinny is necessarily unhealthy, I know people who are skinny and they eat lots (I’m one of them). I completely understand your frustration. We all have our momenta of frustration. I do think it’s important to be on your guard though, because people aren’t generally conscious of how they affect others. And we need a real ‘shield’ in order to keep those arrows from stabbing us. The ‘shield’ is God. He certainly isn’t happy about what that woman did to you (words aren’t just words, they affect us). Next time, you’ll probably be able to just think of God and pray for the person who attacks you. You won’t even need to vent again, because you won’t be hurt. Know yourself & protect yourself. 😀

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    1. Thanks, Milly, for your kindness. I really appreciate your support. Amen to that! He is our shield! and your right, praying for her is absolutely the way to go. so glad you stopped by. big hugs xox

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  42. I like what your blog stands for. I would suspect it’s hard to keep weight on with UC and being on the SCD diet. I’ve that online but haven’t truer it. Good for you being in remission for so long.

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  43. Stay strong. The person who read your letter made a snap judgement and that one opinion does not define you. Their judgement says a lot more about them than it does about you.

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  44. Thank you for sharing this part of your life and for the reminder that we should never make assumptions when there is so much more about people that we do not know. God bless and keep moving forward!

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  46. Some people are just weirdly placed in life. If I were to describe this blog skinny would never be in the description. Satan likes to play havoc with our emotions too. Maybe you could go looking for support in the unlikely places! Food for thought. Keep writing and doing what you’re doing. Lots of prayers coming your way 🙂

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  47. I’m so sorry this happened, Caralyn. The lady who responded to your email clearly didn’t read any of your posts. You are a very talented writer, and your blog is an inspiration to SO MANY PEOPLE, including me. God has a special purpose for you and your writing. Thank you for being brave and honest and for sharing your heart with the world. Keep writing! Keep sharing! Keep trusting in Him, and He will continue to open doors for you. God bless! 🙂

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  48. I seriously doubt they took the time to REALLY look at your blog. I think they read the name of your blog, and did their own assumption. I wanted to let you know, I nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award. If you would like to accept the reward, check out my blog post with title, the rules are at the bottom. It’s a short award, in which you answer some questions about yourself. : ) congrats!

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  49. In my almost “50” years of living I have seen many people that are in the wrong profession, or simply don’t know when it’s time for a change. You look great and healthy.

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