Eggshells

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Have you ever baked a cake with a toddler?

If you haven’t, well, let’s just say that it’s…an experience.

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A cute, photo-op filled, splatter-fest, that, if you’re lucky, results in a cake that’s barely holding on for dear life.

This happened today.

You see, we’re celebrating my now-four-year-old niece’s birthday tonight while we’re all up at our lake home in Wisconsin for the Fourth of July.

And so this afternoon, part of making today special for her was to bake her birthday cake together.

She loves cooking in the kitchen, especially when it involves something sweet, so needless to say, she was having a ball.

And if you know anything about almost-four year olds, they are very independent, and want to do things themselves. And baking this cake was no different.

I’ll tell you what, the Type A perfectionist in me was doing everything I could to not just grab the spatula and make the process go a little neater and smoother.

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But you know, she was just loving doing it herself. Sure we had to fish out, probably 9 eggshells, and more batter and flour ended up on the counter and the backsplash than in the bowl, but gosh darn it, she made that cake herself, and was proud of it.

And you should have seen her face when we took the cakes out of the oven.

I mean, it was a Pillsbury box mix, so those things are pretty bullet proof and will rise no matter what trauma it has endured. But she was just so excited and so proud of her cake that she made all by herself.

And as I was smiling watching her make the mess of the century, and dodging flings of batter, I realized that what I was watching is exactly like the process of recovery.

I’m now ten years into my recovery from anorexia. And not all of it was picture perfect. And in fact, much of it was a complete and utter mess.

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I had an initial relapse right after inpatient. There were periods where I was battling binge eating. There were years where I was abusing exercise. Not to mention the mental anguish of negative self talk and body dysmorphia. I will be the absolute first to admit that my recovery has not been textbook.

But just like the joy and ownership my niece had with her birthday cake, I had to do the same with my recovery. No one could do it for me. I had to struggle through and get messy and fling batter and pick out egg shells myself. I had to own it.

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Watching her and physically holding my hands back from helping her stir and pour and measure, I just kind of half chuckled to myself, knowing that she was owning that cake.

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Being hands off is definitely something I’ve had to learn to do here recently with my mom’s stroke recovery too.

Now that she’s six months out, and really making tremendous progress, I’ve had to learn how much help is too much help. And it’s been a challenge, as the loving daughter in me want to do everything to make like easy for her but I’ve had to let go and let her struggle. Let her make a mess and pick the eggshells. Because it’s her cake. It’s her recovery.

And as much as I want to help, she’s got to be the one to do it.

Anywho, I think my niece is going to remember this birthday for a long time. The year that she made a double-decker sprinkle cake all by herself.

Fishing for eggshells never hurt nobody.

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

276 thoughts on “Eggshells”

  2. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. Love it. Love the connection of beauty and mess and ownership of the process that leads from mess to beauty…And love that we all are in need of recovery processes, be they big or little, at different times of our lives. Happy Happy Birthday to your little independent niece!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My wife does cookies with the grand-kids. (5 1/2 and 2 1/2) They both have their own aprons.Fun to watch. It’ll be a while before she does a cake with them. Grand kids are such a joy.

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  8. It sounds like she could hardly contain her eggs-itement. Even if you found yourself a bit shell-shocked. I just hope the yolk wasn’t on you! Yeah, I really crack myself up! Well, I think I’ll whisk over to Patreon to share a few comments…

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  9. That’s and experience she will remember for years and years!

    As far as “textbook recoveries,” I think those only happen in textbooks. It was the same with me, in dealing with depression. Sure, I don’t really have any problems with it now, but it was a roller coaster ride for a long time! There were many times that I thought it was behind me just to find out I wasn’t as far along in recovery as I thought.

    Congrats to you in your recovery!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. lol at the “almost” 4 year old making her cake. It’s a blessing that we can learn so much watching children. Seeing things through their eyes, and seeing ourselves with those same eyes. I’m happy your mom is progressing by leaps and bounds. What a blessing this is to read. You have much to be proud of, your recovery, the journey with your mom’s recovery and the joy with your family during this wonderful celebration 🙂 Hugs xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I taught elementary ed for over 20 years! Trust me…I have wealth of knowledge and stories!!😉

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  12. Wonderful, wonderful post. Thank you so much for sharing. Life can be messy and sometimes the more we attempt to help, the harder it is for those we are trying to help. Parenting and friendship is about picking up the broken pieces and being supportive without being smothering, which is very hard to do. Thank you again for a wonderful post.
    Blessings to you and all your readers:
    Pastor Lester

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Are you in the Dells? I rode my bike through there. You think, recovery makes it hard to meet someone? I read the part about eggshells and I’ve eaten a fair share of, uniquely made food. Just seems like many parts of life you are the master and other parts you are the four year old chef.

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      1. It felt, uh in my own recovery like I had to see through the new chef’s eyes. Eggshells make me think of relationships because I have dated, chefs. They, are not the friendliest in the kitchen. 😂 Ok. That looked strange in my last remark there. Clarifying.

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      3. I’m still very goal oriented but I always try to check myself like does it have to be perfect? Done today? Have I laughed today? Let me, take my brain for a walk. I never did those things before, recovery. I was always too busy.

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      5. It was why I drank. The insecurity was created from unreal expectations. In the military I was, well I couldn’t save everyone. Now, I do what I can.

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  15. Text Book recovery? That’s a laugh. Yes! Those periods when we experience, the struggle, are when we learn to depend on the source when we’ve been trying to manage on our own. Being a trained chef trying to cook with my kids was at first maddening for everyone. Then I discovered letting them make their own mistakes, I’ve never learned anything without them. Mistakes

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  16. I love reading your posts!! I’m the kind of person that likes to be in control of things and when I can’t control things, I kinda freak out! Lol yes I’m a control freak! Good job holding yourself back and letting your niece make a cake for a birthday she will never forget!! 🙂 kudos to you for patience! It really IS a virtue!

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  17. Hey you are discribing an grandmother / granddaughter experience. I miss watching my departed wife “doing crafts” with the granddaughters on Friday and Saturday. I miss my wife so much.. Thankyou for this lovely post.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. yeah her grandmother was there too! I was just the photo-taking aunt 🙂 aw, my heart goes out to you. I’m so sorry for your loss. It sounds like she was a wonderful gma and wife. Thanks for sharing that. Big hugs xox

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  24. Hi, I sent you an email but I’ve no idea if that is the appropriate way to be in contact, so I thought I’d try here. Hope the cake was as wonderful as its creation process 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Great analogy with the eggshells. My wife used to love putting aprons on our twin granddaughters and have them help her in the kitchen when they were little. They are in their second year of college now. Yikes!

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  29. I smiled all the way through this. I loved how you connected your niece baking a cake all by yourself with recovery all by yourself … yours … and your mother’s. I wish I had read this when my own mother was in rehab after surgery. I could surely have used your wisdom then !!! Thanks for your wise words. jan

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  31. What a lovely story about you and your niece. It’s hard to stand aside and let the other person take the reigns; you struggle to hold back because everything in your fiber wants to jump in and take control. But there are times we need to pull back and in doing so, we gain a better perspective on things. Great to hear that your mother is doing well on the road to recovery and mad props to you sharing your story. Stay strong Caralyn…you never know how strong you are until strong is the only choice you have.

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  32. I have two children. So, yes, I’ve baked MANY cakes with toddlers. It is messy. But my oldest daughter is now 8, and let me tell you, it’s not quite as messy now. There’s definitely a lesson here, which it seems you’ve found. Sometimes, we have to get messy, fling batter, and pick out egg shells. It won’t hurt us. It’s part of learning. And whatever we’re dealing with…an eating disorder, or something else…no one can do it for us. Excellent post. And your use of gifs is always spot on btw. Love the twitchy Mr. Krabs haha

    Liked by 1 person

  34. Cooking with kids is is an excellent exercise in detachment! My twin niece & nephew at nearly 8 and cooking with them is pretty similar 🙂

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  37. Always a fun time. Loved watching my girls help their Mom cook and bake. Of course their favorite part was the eating and licking the leftovers. Well welcome to Wisconsin…Or as I’ve always called it God’s Country.

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  39. I love the relation of messy egg shells and recovery or just even life in general. It’s so true how we do need to “own it” to really recover. We have to do it for ourselves and when we are ready! We are in a way, like a kid who needs to “do it myself”

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  40. Amazing!! I love your positive attitude towards life and recovery. There is nothing that holds us back once we face our fears and limitations.. More power and love to you😊

    Liked by 1 person

  41. What a wonderful story Caralyn! My little girl is one and a half, she is such a joy. I can’t wait to start baking with her and making a mess in the kitchen! I so pleased to hear that your mom is on the road to recovery. You made an important point, both in your niece baking a cake, your mom’s recovery and your own recovery. You said that standing back and letting people ‘take ownership’ is important. I really agree with you. It gives you a sense of achievement and makes your body, soul and mind stronger if you feel that you own your condition, and reach challenging goals yourself. Of course we all need family and friends to support us. Mountaineers reach the summit of a mountain themselves, but they can’t do it without a support crew, Sherpa’s and guides. Our conditions, whatever they may be are a part of us. We should acknowledge them, we should own them (although baking a cake isn’t a condition, but certainly a challenge with a 4 year old!). Thank you for another beautiful post. God bless you.

    Liked by 1 person

  42. Ahh! Baking memories! I have 9 nieces and nephews, so I understand where you were coming from with letting them be… and the eggshells, AHAHA! But the time spent with them is SOO worth it! These precious moments won’t last long since they grow up SO FAST! 😦

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  44. Excellent analogy Caralyn! I could see the kitchen so vividly, I felt as though I was in the experience as well. You’ve done such an amazing job of owning your recovery and handling all that comes with it. Your insight and communicating the process has been an education. I think of The Law of Process applied here: “Recovery” develops daily not in a day. You’ve come such a long way, and been a help to so many who are still “in the kitchen,” You’re inspiring. Thank you! …I’m glad to hear about your mom. Be Blessed and Be Well my friend.

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    1. Thanks so much John! Oh good! I’m so glad you were in the kitchen with us! Haha thanks for such kind and encouraging words. You’re right – it develops daily! Hugs and love xox

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  47. My dear friend

    Very nice to hear about your nice and how she managed to bake a cake by herself. I think everything what we do ourselves is something special in our life. It gives us courage and power, self-confidence and so it was with you too when you suffered from anorexia and when it took all your strength, even with some setbacks when fighting against it – but in the end you were the winner and you celebrated a victoroy over this disease – and it was also a kind of victory for your nice to prove oneself to be able to do something special – which is really encouraging, a positive way to oneself.

    Thanks for sharing, dear friend 🙂
    Have a good time
    Didi

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  48. Oh yes, baking with kids! But isn’t this just how God made us–to create, play, to make a mess in life? When we step out in faith, in that first step of recovery, in that big move, in that new job…it’s messy and a little “oops” like pieces of eggshells in cake batter.

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  49. My women’s group is called the “Beautiful Mess,” which is exactly what we all are. I love the analogy to the cake batter that gets everywhere but somehow a cake is made. Thanks for this post. Would I be allowed to reblog this with your permission?

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