Eggshells

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Have you ever baked a cake with a toddler?

If you haven’t, well, let’s just say that it’s…an experience.

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A cute, photo-op filled, splatter-fest, that, if you’re lucky, results in a cake that’s barely holding on for dear life.

This happened today.

You see, we’re celebrating my now-four-year-old niece’s birthday tonight while we’re all up at our lake home in Wisconsin for the Fourth of July.

And so this afternoon, part of making today special for her was to bake her birthday cake together.

She loves cooking in the kitchen, especially when it involves something sweet, so needless to say, she was having a ball.

And if you know anything about almost-four year olds, they are very independent, and want to do things themselves. And baking this cake was no different.

I’ll tell you what, the Type A perfectionist in me was doing everything I could to not just grab the spatula and make the process go a little neater and smoother.

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But you know, she was just loving doing it herself. Sure we had to fish out, probably 9 eggshells, and more batter and flour ended up on the counter and the backsplash than in the bowl, but gosh darn it, she made that cake herself, and was proud of it.

And you should have seen her face when we took the cakes out of the oven.

I mean, it was a Pillsbury box mix, so those things are pretty bullet proof and will rise no matter what trauma it has endured. But she was just so excited and so proud of her cake that she made all by herself.

And as I was smiling watching her make the mess of the century, and dodging flings of batter, I realized that what I was watching is exactly like the process of recovery.

I’m now ten years into my recovery from anorexia. And not all of it was picture perfect. And in fact, much of it was a complete and utter mess.

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I had an initial relapse right after inpatient. There were periods where I was battling binge eating. There were years where I was abusing exercise. Not to mention the mental anguish of negative self talk and body dysmorphia. I will be the absolute first to admit that my recovery has not been textbook.

But just like the joy and ownership my niece had with her birthday cake, I had to do the same with my recovery. No one could do it for me. I had to struggle through and get messy and fling batter and pick out egg shells myself. I had to own it.

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Watching her and physically holding my hands back from helping her stir and pour and measure, I just kind of half chuckled to myself, knowing that she was owning that cake.

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Being hands off is definitely something I’ve had to learn to do here recently with my mom’s stroke recovery too.

Now that she’s six months out, and really making tremendous progress, I’ve had to learn how much help is too much help. And it’s been a challenge, as the loving daughter in me want to do everything to make like easy for her but I’ve had to let go and let her struggle. Let her make a mess and pick the eggshells. Because it’s her cake. It’s her recovery.

And as much as I want to help, she’s got to be the one to do it.

Anywho, I think my niece is going to remember this birthday for a long time. The year that she made a double-decker sprinkle cake all by herself.

Fishing for eggshells never hurt nobody.

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

276 thoughts on “Eggshells”

  1. I’m a nut for metaphor…

    Baking a cake, doing it one’s self, fishing for eggshells, making a mess…as metaphors for growing up and recovery…

    Brilliant and, Caralyn, lovingly and beautifully written.

    Perfetto!

    Liked by 7 people

  2. I love your blog — especially the message that your niece, you, your mother — own their challenges. This has been a hard lesson for me to learn as I support a family member through serious health issues. The Lord is the only one who can help me sort out when to step forward and when to hold back. Thanks for visiting my blog, too!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Beautiful story. I too struggle with being “hands off” and allowing the other person to do what they need to do. This story was just what I needed. Thanks & God bless.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Love Love Love this post – That is what memories are made of – not just for her – but for you! You deserve the best this world has to offer – so own it, live it, love it then leave it all behind for others to cherish!!! Good Job Caralyn!!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. 441. I am a little lamb

    1. I am a little lamb – Jesus is my Shepherd;
    I enjoy His affection – And His sublime love;
    I was born in His flock – By divine grace,
    I do not follow the stranger’s voice – But only Paternal.

    2. I am a little lamb – Jesus is my Shepherd,
    I am a happy child – In the arms of the Lord;
    His voice I know – His will also;
    Him I obey – Willfully and with pleasure.

    3. Alone in the desert – I can never walk;
    Jesus is very close – In order to keep me;
    Is Great care – That He has for me,
    My beloved Shepherd – Lead me to the end.

    15 And when the chief priests and scribes saw the wonderful things that he did, and the children crying in the temple, and saying, Hosanna to the Son of David; they were sore displeased,
    16 And said unto him, Hearest thou what these say? And Jesus saith unto them, Yea; have ye never read, Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings thou hast perfected praise? Matthew 21.15,16

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  7. First of all I can sympathize I have a daughter who wants to “help” and there literally are egg shells – but this line really got me-

    And as much as I want to help, she’s got to be the one to do it.

    Only with my dad. He’s slowly making decisions that are sabotaging himself and he’s dying. If he would listen he could live but the way he is he MIGHT see his birthday in September- he’ll be 58…. if he lives. But I can’t want him to live more than he does.

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      1. I’ll be asking for help. I have my own addiction to beat but I’m at the place where I hate IT, not myself anymore so hopefully I’m close!

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      5. Of course!! Could I ask a favor? I tweeted the link to my latest blog post- could you RT it after I follow you please? 😊

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  13. Inspiring. We certainly learn by doing. Even with all the help in the world, we must step up as soon as possible as the ones in charge of our lives. Often times what is seen as helpful, cripples us. There’s no greater love than to know how far to go and when to stop.

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  14. I read this and I chuckle…….as it is the same struggle a lot of parents have with raising their kids. Allowing them to do it, feel it and struggle……..hard but essential for raising imperfect kids in an imperfect world. I heard an analogy just like this too at church recently, about us and God. He can do ALL the work perfectly all by himself, he doesn’t need us but he chose to include us in the cake-baking and boy do we slow him down and make a mess. But at the end of the day, we are the ones who feel the pride, joy and fulfillment………only a loving God and a loving aunt do these things. Thanks for sharing……………..

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Girl, I had all the feels and tears reading this post. You hit the nail on the head – “Let her make a mess and pick the eggshells. Because it’s her cake. It’s her recovery.” Thank you for sharing your story and experiences now, and so well. How’s your book going? I can’t wait to read it!

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  17. BEAUTIFUL post! And I relate so very much to the struggle of holding back and not just taking over the cake…but it’s so worth it for the little lessons they learn.

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  19. Are we not all 4-years olds at learning something in life? Symbolic egg-shells and batter spattered about in our careers, relationships, healthy lifestyles, etc. Life gives us learning experiences regardless of our age(s).

    Look, I got back when you had only one post that I had not read! Well, I may be away for a couple of weeks and falling behind again — 24th anniversary next weekend (sorry, I’m spending it with my wife, not the cyber world), then in-laws visiting, etc. See you in the future.
    Oscar

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  20. Hey, it’s a good thing you owned your recovery. Now you are inspiring many. More meaning is found in life when we can draw insights and lessons from our experiences, both past and present. Thanks.

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  21. Hello my dear! I love your blog so much I just had to nominate you for an award!
    Also, this post is pretty awesome! Thank’s so much for writing it!
    Xo, Miranda

    Like

  23. Thanks. You know that will be a memory both of you will cherish and discuss many times in the future. Like when both are much older. I still talk about the time my cousins birthday cake was a cookie with pine needles in it. As we were camping and could not get a proper cake. She just turned 61. Enjoy those special memories.

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  24. its hard working with kids, 4 year olds and teens! My youngest loved the fact that from 14 on, I would let him handle things without me hovering over him. Dr appts. I would wait on the waiting room and let him go back, registering for school I found a bench and told him to find me when he was done.

    This little will ALWAYS remember making HER cake with her favorite aunt!

    and I very proud of you for gritting through this experience, and ALL that you do. You are truly an inspiration lady!

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  26. Hi BBB,

    Well said. We learn from our struggles. Welcome to life. Hope the cake was good for a first attempt.

    Gary

    On Thu, Jul 6, 2017 at 5:02 PM BeautyBeyondBones wrote:

    > beautybeyondbones posted: “Have you ever baked a cake with a toddler? If > you haven’t, well, let’s just say that it’s…an experience. A cute, > photo-op filled, splatter-fest, that, if you’re lucky, results in a cake > that’s barely holding on for dear life. This happened today. ” >

    Like

  27. Beautiful post!!! So inspirational! I too have struggled with body dysmorphia it was so unhealthy!! I let others try to tell me what I should look like but I found my strength through Jesus!! So happy to hear your recovery!💕

    Like

  28. I like the ending. Not because you say that it didn’t hurt anyone… rather because that people are so careful to weed them out. You can’t make a clean mess of anything. It’ll be a mess in itself to sort out and anyone who thinks the wiser of such a thing is in for sore disappointment.

    Picking the eggshells is part of the mess so just be messy!

    As always, great read! Food can be such a great teaching tool.

    Like

  29. I just noticed, “part of making today special for her” – that’s very sweet
    For me, the metaphor of the egg shells had really stood out. In that, it’s best for me not to over-think mistakes: the direction matters 🙂
    …
    And my thoughts on recovery, your final graphic says it well also.
    Grace –

    Like

  33. Perfect example of recovery! I have been sober for 26 years (from drugs and alcohol) I am still struggling with weight and eating issues (on and off for years~ no longer bulimic but now I deal with working on my long standing issues with food and my weight) I like to say that I am “recovering” and not “recovered” when I talk about my alcoholism and addiction ~ because each day is a new beginning and I have to resolve to be sober for the day. Right now I am dealing with some major weight gain since I have decided to enter the recovering phase of not doing the binge and purge cycle. I am in the midst of the broken eggshells and flinging of batter. I so enjoy your blog!!

    Like

  34. what a wonderful post for those who struggle with ed. I will be sure to forward this to my daughter who has been in the same position and making the same progress. I am sure the cake was beautiful. Your insights are wonderful. Keep posting and enjoy the everyday.

    Like

  40. Loved the illustration of your niece. I can remember what a treat it was to help my Mom when she baked a cake at that age and I was over the moon licking out the remaining chocolate in the mixing bowl. lol. Lovely pic of you. Your face shows intelligence and character. That’s a rare commodity in today’s materialistic world.

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  41. What a special memory with your niece and it’s inspiring that you held back and let her experience it. Happy Belated Birthday to her. I love your analogy of trials and tribulations to eggshells in the cake batter! Wonderfully done. Blessings to you and your mom as she recovers.💗

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  42. We have learn something interesting while residing in KSA, usually parents leave their children unattended in malls.

    So they falls and what not!

    We observe if they fall on the ground, they let it be, let the child stand up by himself.

    We did the same, the child hot more confidence than one can imagine

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      1. Yes we did the same to my little one, initially she used to see us, that some one will going to pick me up.

        Than when she sees no response, she stands up by herself.

        We do see her every move, in order to avoid anything grave.

        Similarly is our bad experiences, not every experience is bad.

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  45. Great post! Lovely story, and look at you now, you look amazing! I hope your future continues to be as bright!

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  49. Watching a toddler busy doing some work is the most beautiful thing one can ever watch. On the other these kids teach us a lot of things which we have forgot in these many years , we start to behave as elders and restrict ourselves mentally but these kids are free and they remind us how we have to be.. you reminded of my niece she is 2 years old but very active and a clever kid .. a very nice and well connected post .

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  50. It may be one of the younger memories she keeps when she grows up, and it certainly is a happy one. Your picture choices made me laugh, especially when not trying to do everything for your niece. Haha! I’m proud of you, and thankful God has opened doors for you to share your experience, the highs and lows. Keep on following Him, He’ll continue to guide you. : )

    Like

      1. Me too, my husband and I are back home with parents while we look for a new place. He attends college next month, so it has been busy 🙂 trying to set aside time to read posts

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