The Other S-Word

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

I’ve gotta tell ya…sometimes I just cannot believe how socially dense we can be in 2018.

I mean, for as politically correct and inclusive our carefully chosen words are…y-i-k-e-s.

Let me back up.

Over the weekend, I took my dad out for his birthday. We went shopping, saw a movie, and went to lunch at The Cheesecake Factory.

It was a great day.

But while we were at lunch, I honestly had one of those moments where I was quite taken aback.

For there, plastered across my menu, staring me in the face, was the word “Skinnylicious.” It was their “low calorie” menu.

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The good old folks at The Cheesecake Factory thought it was a good idea to remind you of your ultimate life goal of becoming “skinny” right before you have a slice of peanut butter ripple chocolate cheesecake with extra fresh whipped cream.

But sitting there and seeing the word “Skinnylicious,”  I literally let out an audible groan.

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Are you freaking kidding me?

Come on, Cheesecake Factory, you’re better than that.

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This is just wrong on so many levels.

And you may be wondering, okay, what’s so wrong with that -admittedly- clever advertising?

“Skinny” is very problematic word.

Awful, in fact.

As a survivor of severe anorexia that almost cost me my life, I can say with authority, that “skinny” is killing our girls.

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As a society, we are obsessed with underweight, “skinny” women. We photoshop gorgeous, already slim models to be thinner, and present this unattainable, computer generated body type as “ideal.” Not skinny? Poor you — you’re not beautiful or desirable.

We’re placing more value on our body size than on the condition of our hearts and soul.

But here comes The Cheesecake Factory saying, “Oh, deprive yourself of what you really want, and settle on this low calorie choice, all in the pursuit of skinny.

They’re making it seem like “Skinny” is the sole purpose of taking care of your body. Why not label it “Healthier Choices?” Or “Lighter Options?” Rather than, Skinnylicious – which communicates that “Skinny” is why you’re eating healthier in the first place. Listen: I’m not against offering healthier food choices at restaurants. I’m all for it. Heaven knows that America needs an intervention in our waistlines. But why bring “skinny” into it?

And yeah, I get it – it’s a clever play on words, and maybe you think I’m overreacting, but “skinny” is a highly emotional word for a lot of people – and dare I say…triggering.

Even as a former anorexic, sitting there this weekend, 10 years recovered, I still read that menu and had to fight with every ounce of me the negative energy and shockwaves that bristled my spine, thanks to that damn “S-word” — skinny.

During my anorexia, I literally was dying to achieve that hallowed title: skinny. And even at 78 pounds, I was never “skinny” enough in my mind. I killed myself with extreme exercise; obsessed about food all the time, yet never eating it. And the only morsels of food I ever would allow myself to eat were always diet foods – low calorie, low this, low that – all to achieve skinny.

“Skinny” landed me at a 3 month stay at an Inpatient Treatment Facility, barely hanging on. And in fact, one of the biggest obstacles you have to overcome in your recovery journey is learning how to eat “regular, full-calorie” foods and meals. I cannot put into words how challenging this was for not just me, but for literally every girl there. There were tears –nay– *breakdowns* TANTRUMS, even – at the eating tables over full calorie foods.

So to see that low calorie menu touted as skinny — it was just an out of touch, slap in the face. Skinnylicious:  taunting diners that – by choosing a *gasp* regular “full calorie” meal, that they are, in fact, not skinny. In other words, Choose from the “full calorie” menu, and you’re a fatty! Or, not so discretely suggesting that by eating from the regular menu, you’re letting yourself go.

Just awful.

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I remember a few weeks after I got out of inpatient, I went to The Cheesecake Factory with my dad. I still had some substantial weight to gain even after my stay, and yes – I was still very much struggling. Somehow, that night, I managed to eat two slices of cheesecake by myself. And actually enjoyed it. I can still remember. The Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough one, and Adam’s Peanut Butter Cup Fudge Ripple Cheesecake.

But it was easily the scariest meal of my life, and I felt so accomplished afterwards.

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But had there been a Skinnylicious menu staring me in the face as a still-underweight-and-struggling-anorexia-survivor-trying-to-reclaim-her-life….I woulda been out of there faster than a bat outta hell.

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There is more to life than skinny. 

And frankly, it’s time we stop worshiping “skinny.”

We lust after it. We envy it. We will destroy anything in our path in order to achieve it…even if that means ourselves.

Skinny is not the be-all-end-all. Skinny does not dictate your worth as a person.

Skinny will never love you.

But God will.

Let’s give our girls something real to hold in high esteem other than skinny: Like women who are kind. Joyful. Generous. Brave. Strong. Smart.

Skinny needs to be burned from our vocabulary.

And Skinnylicious can go crawl in a hole and die for as far as I’m concerned.

Get with the program, Cheesecake Factory.

You may make good sweets, but frankly that idea was dumb as bricks.

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

209 thoughts on “The Other S-Word”

  1. But, the food is good on that menu. I eat off that menu all the time. I love their enchiladas. Fewer calories and actually pretty good. Never thought about the word, but I can see how it would offend.

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    1. Thank you Tikeetha, yeah there’s nothing wrong with offering healthy food! I think that is terrific! but to label it as “skinny” food — it’s just sending the wrong message. but i’m glad you’ve had a good experience with the food! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  2. I have noticed here recently that all the big coffee chains such as Starbucks offer ‘skinny lattes, skinny cappuccinos, skinny hot chocolate etc. What’s wrong with low fat or reduced fat? People can be watching their fat intake for many different reasons NOT because they want to be skinny!!!!!!!

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    1. Oh yeah, that’s definitely a trend too. No fat no sugar no blah blah blah. I’m with you there!!!! I don’t drink coffee, so this is definitely another example that I had forgotten about! thanks for sharing! Hugs and love xox

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  3. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have struggled with this concept forever. I hate it! It’s such a gimmick, and all these companies have no clue, or no brains, to see how damaging this one word can be to so many people! Thank you for speaking up and saying something!!

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    1. thank you so much Laura Beth. I hate it too!!! It really is such a harmful word. Shocking that they don’t realize that. Or if they do, that they don’t care…which is even worse. Hugs and love xox

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  5. I think it’s so contradicting your at the Cheesecake Factory … crazy .. what i do not like how teenagers awhile back where trying to loose weight or just be skinny I quote using that word to be able to make a v shape with your legs just standing have you heard of that ?

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. Yes, I have definitely heard of that – and it is an incredibly harmful trend. The eating disorder sufferers refer to this as a “thigh gap.” Like the word, “skinny” — girls are killing themselves for it — my (former) self included. Hugs and love xox

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  6. Preach it sister! To be honest, I think it’s so stupid that a restaurant famous for rich desserts would even attempt at a “diet” menu. Like anyone who’s seriously losing weight would go there! It’s all a marketing ploy to trap girls into a certain image. But we are not worth any less for eating full calorie foods, nor are we worth more if we eat “health foods.” We must pursue a balanced diet that is healthy for our own bodies. Skinny fails us every time, but inner Godly beauty never will! 💓

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    1. Thank you so much Emily, I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts on this. You’re absolutely right – a balanced diet! And the thing about that, is that a balanced diet includes those full calorie choices and can even include cheesecake! Everything in moderation. And amen amen amen – inner Godly beauty! woo!! Hugs and love xox

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  7. Wow, really great post! It seems as if our society is handing out eating disorders left and right. It is refreshing to read an article in which this cultural norm is pointed out! Nice job 🙂

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    1. Thank you so much! Sadly, you’re right abut that. thanks for stopping by and for your support! Hugs and love xox

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  9. I am now thankful I am 6′ tall and 270 pounds. Just so you know, it is the product of 59 years of hard work. Being overweight is not for sissies. Good words, thanks!

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  10. Agreed! Skinny makes us fat too! Oprah said “America got fat on the low fat diet!” Reminds me how unhealthy the relationship between Americans and food is! To add to the point, who goes to Cheesecake Factory for “skinny food” anyway? Seriously! It’s like they lost sight of who they are: American cuisine with cheesecake dessert. This adds to your point that being skinny obsessed causes folks to lose their way, forgetting their purpose. When we forget who we are and what we are about then we fall for cheap tricks like attracting a “health conscious” crowd with such a menu. Health conscious folks eat there all the time, and we know how to read a menu to discover the healthy food, please stop selling your business short and degrading my intelligence by showing me what you think I need. Rant over.

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    1. Thanks so much, friend. so many great points here!! Amen amen amen!! so glad you stopped by! big hugs xox

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  11. Thank you for this post! I have struggled with my body issues for most of my life and I think I will still struggle until I get to heaven. Restaurants have gotten in on the “skinny fad” and it is very pressuring to me when I see it because I’m slapped with the fact that I need to order something from that menu if I ever expect to be wanted.

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so glad it resonated with you. Yeah, the “skinny fad” needs to come to an end!!! Hugs and love xox

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  12. Preach, sister! Louder for the people in the back!

    I got down to 104 pounds at one point. Not full-blown anorexia, but very close. I hate the word “skinny.” I hate that women are encouraged to get down to a size “0” – to literally become nothing. That’s not what God has for us! We are His strong, intelligent, beautiful daughters!

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    1. thank you so much Marie. hahaha louder for the people in the back hahhaahhaha that made me crack up. But on a serious note, thank you for sharing your story. Amen – God has so much for us. A life in abundance!! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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      3. I don’t get to visit as often as I would like but I do enjoy your blog. No thanks needed, just stating a fact (insert smiley face here). Love and hugs back atcha

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  18. I truly understand your point and I understand what our society has done to so many of us through the marketing of a product, service, idea, or perspective.
    I maybe of counterpoint to you in this response. As understanding as I am, I am a believer we cannot protect everyone from everything. I believe we can however; change ourselves not to respond to the pressures placed on us by the outside world.
    You and I have something in common which demands this, being a Christian. Jesus directly told us that we need to pick up and carry our cross everyday in order to be his disciple. He also told us the world will hate us because of him and we are to reject this world and follow Him.
    I cannot imagine either of us at the time of our meeting with Jesus to tell him about how the marketing of society did not allow us to follow his commands. That our family, friends and co-workers were rejecting us, so we gave in. In order to follow Christ and reject the world, we have to strengthen our character. Then the attacks from others mean nothing.
    My feelings are, let us strengthen the character of people so we do not give into the pressures of what the world. We learn to live our own lives do our own thing – through Christ.
    God Bless and love you!
    Leland

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. That is such a great point – change ourselves not to respond. Such great insight. Thanks Leland. Hugs and love xox

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      1. Thanks for your grace. Always open to a discussion to learn a new and different perspective. I know my response might be considered insensitive, if it was I’m sorry. Changing me

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  20. So love your honesty, and couldn’t agree more.

    The thing is, it doesn’t just affect our young girls. My nine year old boy is obsessed with being thin and worries about being fat… The culture is very sick, and I worry about how it’s harming all of our kids.

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  21. Great post! It is true that the glitter “culture” on TV and in magazines and such has encouraged the (yuck!) “skinny” trend/movement. Healthy is the real key here, as you point out. I have seen some push back in social media and even magazines which promote “plus-sized models.” I don’t agree with that idea either, as some pictures I have seen are clearly promoting unhealthy obesity. People is general tend in this manner to move to one extreme or the other. IMO it is stupid to judge beauty on physical appearance alone. God knows this much better than we do as He tells Samuel when choosing David to be anointed as the king in 1Sa_16:7- But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.” I recommend a great song from awhile ago by the group Geoff Moore and the Distance. It is called “If You Could See What I See,” and is about the true meaning of beauty. Bless you and keep on trucking for Jesus.

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    1. thank you so much DT, for sharing your thoughts on this. I love that : The Lord looks at the heart. amen to that! Hugs and love xox

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  23. So right now a trending hashtag on Twitter is #niallstansareskinny (an artist I love) and apparently it’s like a positive slang term for fans of someone but I sent out some frustrated tweets talking about the negative connotations and it made me think of you. Such a harmful word! ☹️

    This is a really well-written post though! Completely agree. ❤️

    ~Annah

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  24. You make a very significant point. The way we use language is extremely important. The power of language cannot be overestimated.
    Words can be very damaging.
    Perhaps it might be worth drawing the attention of the Cheesecake Factory to this issue. As a survivor of an eating disorder, your words have power.
    You have made me think.

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  26. This is a truly empowering statement which you have made here…
    I am writing from India and I can stand witness to this fact that “body” shaming is beyond cultures. It is really a dominant practice everywhere.
    However, I think that it can only stop if the women dissuade from participating in it at their individual levels. Every time a teenage girl looks up to a “skinny” model or a group of women comments on another regarding the latter’s “pregnancy weight” I am assured this “s-word” is here to stay as long as it’s very ‘haters’ continue to use it in their close circles.
    You have raised a very strong voice here!
    Thanks for the great read!

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  30. It’s amazing how I have often not even noticed these things! With a teenage daughter, it all becomes so much more painful 😦

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  33. Great post. I get so sick of ‘low fat,’ ‘diet’ and ‘skinny’ foods being marketed at me. I spent years having an incredibly unhealthy relationship with food and am finally at the point where I am happy with what I eat and how I look, but it had nothing to do with this bullshit. Since when did ‘skinny’ equal ‘healthy’? The two ideas are completely unrelated, and it’s so destructive to have it pervading every element of your life. Ugh.

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    1. Thank you for sharing your story, Sarah. I’m so glad you’re at that good place! so true. hugs xo

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    1. Oh awesome! Thanks so much for passing this along, Gail! I really appreciate it! Hope your week is off to a great start 🙂 big hugs xox

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  36. Ya gotta think that if the marketing guru who came up with this had said it out loud, it might never have seen the light of day let alone the menu. Companies do strange things in the name of the almighty dollar and they think it is cute. Like you say, better to have truth in advertising. Great tastes with lower calories for instance. Let the customers decide.

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    1. Right!?!?!? It’s so crazy. Thank you for taking the time to read and offering your thoughts! Hugs and love xox

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  40. Hey..are you okay? Havent seen any post recently but i do see youve commented a month ago. Hope all is well.

    And by the way I have never ever had to scroll through so many comments before to get to add a comment. You and your good work are loved and admired indeed.

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    1. Oh gosh you’re kind to say that. Yep! Thanks for checking in 🙂 I post every Monday, Wednesday and Thursday! You can get them delivered straight to your inbox if you subscribe 🙂 haha Hugs and love xox

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      1. Taps Beauty Beyond Bones lightly on the shoulder and says: “Mam, you’ve seem to have forgotten one itty bitty tiny but very important word – ‘Hugs & Kisses and love xox’ .” BBB politely smiles as she leans over as one would who is getting ready to whisper a word into someones ear to whom they want to save from the public embarrassment of being rejected..but at that precise moment HE STEALS HIS 💋 right on the lips. He turns away without saying a word, for his kiss already spoke a thousand words to her heart, that she will never forget. The END.

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