The Jig is Up!

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

I was literally thisclose to disabling my blog this morning.

Thisclose.

I mean, for the first time, I think ever, I could literally feel my heart pounding in my chest.

And I don’t mean “literally” like an overdramatic and slightly basic Millennial.

I mean, I could literally physically feel the actual beats of my heart pounding, as though they were millimeters from busting through my chest.

Allow me to set the stage.

Tuesday morning. alarm goes off. I roll over to find a message pertaining to my professional acting page.

Hmm, I haven’t checked that in a while, let’s mosey on over there to see if it’s been updated. 

For those that don’t know, there is a website on the internet that is a rolodex of every actor and crew member in the business. It is used by industry professionals, as well as professional Netflix bingers, curious about the past work and personal information about any actor, A-list to Z-list.

Well, clearly, they’re letting in the riffraff, because as an actor, I too have a page on this website. I promise you it is not impressive, but a it’s a page none the less.

Well here’s the thing…much like Wikipedia, random people can add to/edit your page.

Yep…thaaaaat’s right. Random people can go on there and submit trivia facts, biographical information, photos, and in my desperately unfortunate situation…quotes.

And you guys. The quotes that whoever this troll pulled from my blog, taken out of context, make me look like the absolute spawn of Satan.

A quote about my virginity. A quote about my past anorexia. A quote about my menstruation history/infertility (which praise God is now false!). A quote about being “anti” feminist. A quote about voting for Donald Trump.

I mean, the fact that someone would comb through my entire blog to find the most damning sentences possible when taken out of context, and then submit them anonymously to make me look like a monster?! On my professional acting page??

Talk about starting a Tuesday off with a zinger. It wasn’t even 9am and I had cried more than Ashley Iconetti from the Bachelor.

And the best part about this big fiasco, is that all this was brought to my attention by a cute. boy. 

I know.

I KNOW.

I am reeling inside too.

So anyway. I nearly disabled this site.

This blog is obviously anonymous for a reason. I share things on here that are incredibly personal, and not that I’m going to withhold that information from someone, but come on…sharing your past of anorexia, or your menstruation history!??!???…That’s at least 5th or 6th date material. Preferably over a bottle (or 2) of wine. Or in a noisy atmosphere where they can’t really make out what you’re saying.

Juuuust kidding.

But this whole situation did get me thinking.

Who am I, if I cannot own up to my past?

Really?

Am I ashamed of who I am?

It was a very rubber-meets-the-road moment for me.

And I will pause, to preface and say that there’s a huge difference between disclosing this personal information with someone in the proper setting, versus having it blast out on the internet without one’s consent. I stand by that, and have since emailed that website to have them take down those quotes submitted by a malicious troll that should go back underneath the bridge from which they crawled.

But look. I’ve got a past. For better or for worse, I’ve got a lot of baggage in my trunk. (Note that I didn’t use the word junk…get it…junk…in the…) hehehe

But seriously. Yes, there are a lot of things that I’m not proud of. Yes, there are a lot of seasons filled with pain and regrettable behaviors and patterns. But all of those things have worked together to create the young woman you see today.

Shop this look!

And if I can’t own up to that, then who am I, really?

If I can’t accept my own past, how can I expect anyone else to?

The fact is, I’ve been forgiven. I’ve been healed. And I’ve been reborn.

Not from any of my doing. But from His.

And frankly, the young woman you see today is a living, breathing testimony of the glory, grace, mercy and power of God.

So you know what? Yeah. I do claim my past. 

Do I wish that some of the things I’ve said wouldn’t have been taken out of context? Yes. Do I have to shout out my past as the very first thing someone sees when they look at my professional bio? Absolutely not.

But I should never be ashamed of the journey God has taken me on. Because frankly, it has been one big process to destroy the persistent sin in my life: pride.

This morning, waking up I was mortified. Beside myself with shame and humiliation that such information would be the first thing that someone would read about me. As though my life could be deduced to a strategically biased soundbite.

And further, I was filled with rage at the malicious intent that someone would have to use my words against me, and manipulate them to tarnish my name and character by making me out to be a bigoted and abominable person.

This is my story. And I’ll be damned if I let some troll tell me that it’s something to be ashamed of.

Not today, Satan! Not today.

One last quick thing! I have decided to add two new exciting features to my Patreon!

  1. I’m going to be doing a daily bible podcast called Oh What a Beautiful Morning! It will be just a quick, 4-5 minute daily devotion, reflecting on a daily bible verse/reading. And that first episode is already up, so head on over if you want to check that out 🙂  Image-1
  2. I’ve decided to do a Bachelorette reflection podcast, where I recap/respond to the most recent episode of the Bachelorette. Which, seems a little random. But I literally listen to SO MANY Bachelor podcasts. (The show is my guilty pleasure, and I have a slight inkling that it is one of yours too 🙂 ) So I will be posting those recaps – from – a – Christian – POV on Patreon every Tuesday, and the first episode is now up! IMG_4823.JPG
  3. Both of these exciting new features of my Patreon, (in addition to the podcast versions of every one of my posts) will be available for $2 a month 🙂

This post was made possible by my wonderful sponsor, Audible. Listening to audiobooks while I cook is literally my new favorite thing. And just for you, they’re offering a Free 30-Day Trial Membership. And with this free membership, you’re going to get 2 free audiobooks! Literally. Free. It is the best deal ever. And if for some reason, you decide it’s not for you, you can cancel within those 30 days and it’s zero money out of your pocket, plus, you get to keep the 2 audiobooks. Soooo…it’s pretty much a no brainer. Plus, it’s a free and easy way to support this blog! So thank you!! 

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

368 thoughts on “The Jig is Up!”

  1. Yo know the first time i read your blog, it really lifted up my spirits , it was real and vulnerable. It’s obvious that dad(father god) had and is working in you. The kind of real that only happens when people are hanging with Jesus. Anyway, this was a cool post, the overcoming part, first part mehhhhhhhh to those people

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    1. Aw Nathan, thank you for saying that. I am seriously so touched. Thanks for your kindness. Mehhhhhhh indeed! Haha Hugs and love xox

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  3. Satan will seek to attack those who stand for Christ. And you, my friend…stand…for…Christ! You share the truth about the difficulties you have faced and claim ownership for your past mistakes. Not many can do that. I thank God for your boldness for Him and your willingness to be vulnerable in public. Please continue on this path God is sending you down. I pray for you and cheer you on! God is so good (some people do/say bad things – God will deal with them). 🙂

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    1. Thank you friend. Gosh what a kind thing to say. I really appreciate your prayers. Amen – God is so good! Hugs and love xox

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  4. People are just so mean ! You are such a sweet lady .. why do people get pleasure in hurting others I will never understand that. Just stay the strong woman you are . Hugs to you ..❤️

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      6. I do but i haven’t used it in a while. I should really get back into it. That’s kind of what my new devotional podcast is going to be over on Patreon – a daily prayer record.

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      8. Yes! Would definitely recommend it!! Get a nice leather bound one, or one with a pretty cover and a nice pen. That way you’ll really feel special when you write in it 🙂

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  5. I have done something I have never done, I am actually following an upcoming artist. One of the things I notice is there always seems to be a few people that post negative comments about this artist. The fans, immediately jump in and defend the artist. In fact, the negative comment gets more people replying to it then the positive ones. My telling you this is, it seems there is a “type” of person who enjoys causing others pain and they may not even care about what they said, not even mean what they said, they are simply about drawing attention to their “work”.

    In a way, I would say, congratulations, you are awesome enough to draw out someone that wants to be negative towards you. I don’t get that, in fact I rarely get a comment on any of my blog posts. Unlike you, you get hundred’s.

    I respond the same way you do to negative comments, the demoralize me. In fact, negative comments have kept me from maybe posting thing as you have. Thoughts, ideas on my mind, things which I don’t agree with so I don’t have to put up with the riffraff.

    I understand you a bit more from your reaction and I can only say one thing, be bullet proof. All of this is preparing us for the next phase of our life, if forces us to be tougher, wiser, and develop even more wisdom. And you are and have. Those of us who “know” you won’t believe it, those of us who do want to know you better would investigate before believing and those who just are jealous, ignorant and/or hateful, well they will always be that way. Like Taylor Swift said, haters will hate, right. God Bless, I believe in you. God Bless

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    1. Be bullet proof: that’s such great advice. Thank you friend. You’re right – everything prepares us. Thank you for this wonderful encouragement. It seriously means a lot. Sending you so much love and hugs xox

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  6. My dear friend,

    I am feeling with you. The one who is able to do such a thing, is really unconscious, is the handwriting of an ill person we would say and in the grip of the negative power. Turn the whole thing into positivity – your first thoughts of closing your blog would have made that person successful in his obvious attempt to bring you down – as such persons aim at destruction not at construction. And I am happy you did not close your blog – remember: you are a living example and hope for many many people who maybe still suffer from the same disease, as you had to go through. Where there is positivity there is also negativity close to interfere in the life of those who successfully gave a positive direction in their lives, who have overcome dark nights. Our own developments are usually not linear but rather have the feature of a sine curve – we all surely have gone through things which we regretted – the point is that we learnt from it and that we admitted it in front of ourselves that we did something that was not ok – this is also the meaning of doing penance. Consciousness rises through unconsciousness and according to the saying of saints: “Every Saint has his past and every sinner his future”. We may be ashamed of our own past deeds, words and thoughts – but we have changed, we should see where we stand now and also have to forgive ourselves. Tears were shed enough…

    A direct word to this man who had diabolic intentions: “May light come into your heart that you can feel the hearts of others too that your own miserable deeds can find a stop – that you become aware what you are doing. Look into the mirror – stranger!” (in case he may read this)

    My friend, I wish you all the best on your positive path – never give up!
    Hugs and love
    Didi

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    1. Aw Didi thank you for this beautiful encouragement! I like that perspective – to turn it into positivity! That’s such a great way to look at it. I am so touched by your generous words. And you’re so right – i need to pray for that man and ask for his heart to be changed. You’re so wise. Thank you friend. You are a blessing to me. Hugs and love xox

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      1. With tears in my eyes – I am thankful for your words, my friend – and pass compliment forward to my Master Sant Kirpal Singh, this credit goes to Him.

        Thank you my dear friend
        From heart to heart
        Didi

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  7. Well done. You have turned evil into good by overcoming what Satan inspired for your harm. Your obviously making a difference in peoples lives and he doesn’t like it!

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  8. Forgive and move on. Life is good with its ups and downs. That makes life colorful. And bad people are there for purpose. They give us awareness. They keep us from falling if we correctly handle the situation. They sharpen our thoughts words and deeds. As for you cheer up keeps up the good work. Keep on blessing us with your hones from the heart thoughts. We love you.

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    1. Thank you Abiy for this great advice. So true – forgive and move on! Thanks for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox

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  9. Sending extra love your way today. Good thing God never sees us “out of context.” Our whole big beautiful messy life stories are present to Him always…He sees it all and loves us. Keep being brave, with the courage of a true daughter of God. Xxoo

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  10. I’m so sorry to hear what’s happened to you. I know I don’t comment here often but you truly don’t deserve that and I just wanted to say that. Hold your head up high beautiful woman. 🙂💕xx

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  12. Gahhhh, that has to be tough.
    I’m sorry that happened to you. It’s so easy for people to be mean behind a screen. It never fails to amaze me how much some individuals love to break others down, especially to people who have been so open and honest

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    1. Thank you so much for your support. You’re right – anonymity can make people do really mean spirited things. Hugs and love xox

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  13. Your site… it’s your community, and valuable to you. And, so many people support you.
    You could take a vacation from posting, such as a scheduled week off.

    …

    … let what is valuable to you, be, and… be more so

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  14. So glad you didn’t stop blogging, but saw through it all for what it was and came back fighting (Rom. 8:28) The Devil (and cohorts) are really just weasy little whimps hidding away behind a big megaphone. Never be ashamed to admit your past your past because (as you said) it made you who you are.

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  15. I got some mean spirited random messages on my blog too, which I then deleted. 😦 I’m glad you were able to get passed it. Seems there are people out there who want nothing more than to drag us down. Best wishes, and I’m glad you didn’t delete your blog. I’ve been getting email notifications of your blog ever since I had my WordOfGOdWrite blog and followed you.

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    1. Thank you for your kindness. I’m sorry you can relate so personally. Very grateful for your encouragement and readership! Hugs and love xox

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  16. Oh my! So sorry that happened to you. Thanks for not removing your blog – I really look forward to reading it. And kudos to you for standing strong in the face of adversity.

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  17. Never let that light inside dim because of the darkness of others, for they fear and hate the positive influence you’re bringing to the world. Never quit and never doubt who you are and what you can do. Remember, it doesn’t matter what anyone else does, for your success and/or failure is ultimately decided by you. When you never give up, failure becomes nothing more than a stepping stone to success. One more thing, I do respect your faith and thankfulness in God, but I think you also need to give yourself more credit. Remember, God only shows you the path and encourages you to follow it. You are the one that has the strength and the determination to actually walk it. God Bless.

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    1. thank you so much for this beautiful encouragement. Seriously, it means so much. big hugs to you xox

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  19. People who feel the need to attack someone else for no reason are unhappy. They try to “fix” it by bringing others down. Kuddos to you for not letting it bring you down. Rise above.

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  21. It sounds like some people are desperate for attention! While I believe more subjects are becoming more prevalent in societal discussions, I do not believe anyone has the right to discuss another person’s private life like it’s gossip. It’s not my place to tell my friends about what I read on your blog. I will encourage them to read it for themselves, as I publicly let them know about my blog. I find your writing interesting so please don’t close your blog.

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    1. thank you so much Mia for your support. I think you’re so right about that — gossip has become the “norm,” sadly. thank you for your kindness. Hugs and love xox

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  22. Please stay with it! Your voice is an encouraging and enlightening word to multiple generations who need to hear your message. God is working through you and there are enemies, both human and spiritual, who would like to see you quit. Don’t let them win!

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  23. Everybody has something! You past is your past and is part of what makes you who you are today. Forgive and forget that person. It is not worth the energy. You keep shining your light!

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    1. Thank you so much Avery, for your kind words. You’re right – gotta forgive and move on! Hugs and love xox

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  24. I’m glad you have had so many messages of support – just goes to show that these mindless trolls are WAY outnumbered by nice folk who respect and value you and your contribution to the world.

    You may enjoy this quote I found the other day “I stopped explaining myself when I realized that people only understand from their level of perception.”

    You have nothing to explain, or apologize for, just keep on doing what you do!

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    1. Thank you friend for your kind words. Yeah, i am feeling very blessed and encouraged. Oh wow i love that quote. thanks for sharing! Hugs and love xox

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  25. Chiming in my support. I’m sorry that you were horrifically trolled. That’s so sad, and shows how manipulative people can be. However, you proved you are the stronger one. You didn’t give in and give this horrible person what they wanted. You won! And, I’m incredibly happy that you didn’t delete or deactivate – Your posts give me so much JOY!!

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    1. Thank you so much Laura Beth for your kindness. Yeah, it was a really mean spirited thing for that person to do. Gosh, i so appreciate your encouraging words. have an awesome weekend! Hugs and love xox

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  27. We are out there sharing our bumps, bruises – and crashes to help others, to bring hope to those in similar situations. That also makes us vulnerable. Be strong and the courageous woman you are knowing there are many out there who have your back. You are not alone. Love to you.

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    1. Thank you so much Mary. You’re right – although vulnerable, our openness can point to God’s goodness! Thank you so much for your support and encouragement. it really means a lot 🙂 big hugs and have a great weekend! xox

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  28. That’s awful. Sadly, it’s also predictable. Because with nowhere to go and forever to get there, certain people will show their true selves inside the blanket of anonymity. Because why? They’re frustrated, bitter, angry with their own lives? I mean, they CAN’T be happy with their plight in life if they have nothing better to do than troll other people.

    Show ’em Triple B. Not by going away but by kicking their proverbial butts with more of the good thing you shared on the regular. The haters will tire themselves out eventually.

    You’ll always be kicking.

    Peace and positive vibes

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    1. Thank you so much for your encouraging words an support. You’re right, it is sadly predictable. Gotta keep on truckin! hah big hugs xox

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  29. There’s a saying that, “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” Despite the cruel and cowardly action of that troll, you owned your history, found a solution, and forgave the person. I can almost gurantee your current attitude is serving you better than wallowing in self-pity would have. 🙂
    On a side note, I was in a very similar position five years ago. I ended up permanently deleting a 4-year-old blog with 7k followers due to the harassment, but more specifically my personal interpretation of the unkind words. Point being: Stay strong and remember that you’re bigger than the bully!!! ❤

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    1. Wow what a powerful saying. Thank you for sharing that with me. I’m sorry that you could so personally relate. i appreciate your encouragement! Hugs and love xox

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  30. There’s a saying that, “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” Despite the cruel and cowardly action of that troll, you owned your history, found a solution, and forgave the person. I can almost gurantee your current attitude is serving you better than wallowing in self-pity would have. 🙂
    On a side note, I was in a very similar position five years ago. I ended up deleting a 4-year-old blog with 4k followers due to the harassment, but more specifically my personal interpretation of the unkind words. Point being: Stay strong and remember that you’re bigger than the bully!

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  31. Keyboard courage…isn’t it wonderful?
    I am very new to your blog but from what I have read you seem to be an open/honest and kind person. Maybe that isn’t true in real life and you actually feed goldfish “Goldfish”…who knows. The point being that you will always have those that want to bring you down because they are not very content with their own life. It hurts but the wound is not fatal. Just keep being who you are and serving your King.

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    1. Thank you so much for your encouragement. Keyboard courage – yep that’s exactly what it is. Thanks for your support! Hugs and love xox

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  32. As far as your past or mine, whatever it was: “And some of you used to be like this. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God“ (1 Cor. 6:11). Be blessed & keep on blogging 🙂

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  34. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’m glad you’ve decided to keep the blog anyway. I’ve never had your struggles, but I’m sure you’re an inspiration to those who have, and it would have been a shame to lose your insights. It also makes one think…how many other people get a tarnished image from the exact same sort of trolling you experienced? Another reason not to make rash judgments about others. You never know how their story has been skewed by another’s venom and insecurities.

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    1. Thank you so much for this wonderful encouragement. You’re so right – it really does give us a lot to consider and think about! Big hugs xox

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  36. I am grateful that you didn’t unplug the blog. You really are an inspiration and give me hope. Thanks for persevering. Some people are cruel. Don’t let them decide your life. You are amazing. Keep going.

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    1. Thank you so much Darlene. Gosh, what a kind thing to say. I’m very touched and grateful. Hugs and love xox

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  37. There’s a saying that, “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” Despite the cruel and cowardly action of that troll, you owned your history, found a solution, and forgave the person. I can almost gurantee your current attitude is serving you better than wallowing in self-pity would have. 🙂
    On a side note, I was in a very similar position five years ago. I ended up deleting a 4-year-old blog with 4k followers due to the harassment, but more specifically my personal interpretation of the unkind words. Point being: Stay strong and remember that you’re bigger than the bully!

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  38. Don’t get rid of your blog! You have been an inspiration for me to come back and talk about my own struggles. I’m not being quite as anonymous as you, though. 😀 I hope that by my open and honest example of the shitty life I’ve lived so far, more people can open up to themselves about the problems they have. And hopefully, we can all learn to love one another a little bit more because we understand that everyone has issues, and we aren’t alone.

    Love your blog, gurl! Don’t quit!

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    1. Thank you Neal, I really appreciate your wonderful encouragement and kindness. Yes! Thank you for sharing your story – it is doing powerful things, many of which you may never see, but it is at work! know that! Hugs and love xox

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  39. Sorry about what they posted, I think your amazing, and don’t close the blog. Keep it up. – billycharlson.blog

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  40. Thank God that you refrained from deleting your blog Caralyn. You are an inspiration to a lot of people. We all have a past that we are not proud of, but we had to go through that to help make us into the person we are today. We are better for doing so. Wear your past with a badge of honor. You faced it head on, persevered and inspired others to never give up. Don’t let the inappropriate actions of one derail what you set out to do. God allows our hearts to guide our passion in life so tread forward with positive thoughts, courageous intentions and love and understanding.

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    1. Thank you so much Mar, I really appreciate such kind words and support. it really means a lot. You’re right – God will use all things for good, and has us in the palm of His hand always 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  41. I sympathize you. In the world there are not only good people, very many envious and embittered. The fact that someone is aiming for revenge on you is proof of your success. I think it’s someone from actors (maybe you got a role that someone wanted). You’re good person, there’s nothing in your blog that you can be ashamed of. Nobody is”perfect”, everybody have a mistaces in the past – it is important what lesson you learn. Your sincerity speaks of your courage and desire to help others.

    I like reading your posts, but please don’t use moving images so often, they terribly tire eyes of your readers (my eyes 100%), especially when jerking next to each other in a different tempos. You write very well and expressively, there is no need to add third-party means of help – they only distract from the good text by terrible jerking 😉

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    1. Thank you so much for your support and encouragement. Yeah, it was a pretty mean spirited thing for that person to do. And i will definitely keep that in mind about the gifs! sorry about that! xox

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  42. That’s someone’s ugly side… Someone is jealous that you made it through a struggle and have a wonderful life. Don’t let punks ever discourage you. Continue being a bright light, there are those out there that you help. 🙂 have a wonderful day.

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    1. Thank you friend. I appreciate your kind words. Yeah, gotta just shake it off and move forward! big hugs xo

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  43. I love your blog and would have been sad to see you go! Thank you for being so open and vulnerable here. It takes a lot of courage to open yourself up to the world. There will always be rotten people who hide behind their computer screens and find fault with what you write. But there are thousands of readers who find inspiration in your words. Just hang in there and keep writing!

    • Katie

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    1. aw thank you so much Katie, I really appreciate your encouraging words. oh the power of anonymity. have a great weekend! Hugs and love xox

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  44. Girl I’m so proud of you this post is what you call a victory post. I’ve been meaning to stop by your blog and came the perfect time. This post has so many messages deep inside . Thank you for truly being an inspiration. Also thank you so much for stopping by my page and showing me south Love it really means a lot to me

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    1. oh my gosh thank you so much for this awesome encouragement. it seriously means so much. big hugs xox

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  45. Gawd, you and I are so much alike!!! Bless you, my friend. Blogging really puts one’s “self” out there and risks a lot…even more so being a beautiful girl like you. And, somehow that is relevant though I don’t know how to explain. “Frailty, thy name is woman” once said Shakespeare C’est moi! I’m hetero but my feminine dimension is vibrating strongly, so I deeply appreciate what you offer here.

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  46. Wow, that is absolutely crazy. There are bad people out there my friend and we have to stay aware of the trouble. Keep doing what you do because you have been an inspiration to many and if people like us quit, where does that really leave the world to? Stay encouraged and know that you are appreciated, Peace!!!

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  47. I would be proud to have you as a daughter, Caralyn, as I am sure you dad is proud. You will never, never, never — did I say NEVER enough? — please everyone. However, you obviously please a lot of people with your openness. At the end of the day there is only one to please, and you know who He is. Calm and courage. Be yourself! That’s who He wants you to be!

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    1. Oh my gosh friend this warmed my heart. Thank you so much 🙂 Amen- audience of One! Hugs and love xox

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  48. Darlene (Is this your name)? , I am glad you are still here! Please don’t leave! I almost disabled my blog, too, about two weeks ago. You know why? Because one of my links didn’t work, so one of my commenters called me a Sociopath! Having a link not work is not a sign of Sociopathy! In fact, not only did he call me a Sociopath, but he called me a Narcissist Sociopath Borderline. Unreal! Gosh, sorry my link didn’t work, but seriously???

    There will always be bullies out there 😦 But, Big Hugs to You!!! ❤ ❤ ❤

    Tamara

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    1. oh Gosh I’m sorry ylurbwere called such cruel names! Aw Tamara I’m sorry you can so personally relate. Sending so much love xox

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  49. This must have been hard to write. But well done. Would have been sad if you’d taken your site down! I’m glad you are working through this comment, as well as whatever it is reffering to(Or workED through). That’s big. And hard.

    Love how you reply to everybody!
    If ur too busy, I get it. But I published a post on my site that I think you would enjoy…and I could use a little help in the comments section. “See the baby, see the child”.

    Shalom! Keep it up!

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    1. Thanks friend, yeah definitely hard to write. Thank you for your encouragement. Hugs and love xox

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  50. Sometimes I forget how young you are cos or your maturity and outstanding presentation skills… visual and writing. Anyhow… I think God allows attacks for our betterment. They seem to happen when we’re ready for it (even the worst ones). Keep talking! Roll with the punches. God bless. 🙂

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