I don’t know about you, but sometimes, it feels like life just comes at ya with a 2×4 straight to head, doesn’t it?
OK — wow, Caralyn. Thaaaat’s graphic. Let’s bring it down a couple knotches.
But seriously though.
Allow me to just share with you something rather…outrageous…that happened to me this morning.
It was 9:00am, and I was out on my morning jog. And to be clear, I don’t run the streets of NYC…that’s not only dangerous, but so much stopping and starting with all the stoplights and crosswalks. Instead, I run on one of the numerous jogging trails throughout the city. Very scenic. Very safe. Kapeesh?
Well, part of this jogging trail goes through an open paved lot, of sorts. It’s a wide, open space, shared by pedestrians and cars that are pulling into the covered portion of the parking lot, or picking up/dropping off passengers on the scenic trail. It’s always bustling with joggers — as it was this morning — and very seldom are there any cars in the lot.
So. I’m jogging along, on the edge of the edge of the pedestrian path — as one does when attempting to follow social distancing measures — and this maroon, oversized Dodge truck pulls into the open paved lot. We’re going in opposite directions — read: towards eachother — but there’s probably three car-widths between our non-intersecting, parallel paths. If that makes sense. Basically, there is no way he’d hit me, unless he decided to drastically turn his car, and swerve into the pedestrian pathway. That, and the speed limit is literally 5 mph.
Well. The driver of this truck: he was probably probably about 42 — but looked mid fifties — had this aggressive handlebar mustache, and a look of rage in his eyes like I’ve never seen before. He proceeds to lay on his horn for – I kid you not – probably a full five seconds (which is a lot, if you’re blaring your horn), and then flips me not one, BUT TWO middle fingers!! He took both hands off the wheel to flip me two birds! All before 10am on a Monday morning.
Like, I don’t know who pee’d in his Cheerios, that morning, but — WOW.
I was so startled, and frankly – shaken up – by his complete overreaction to…literally nothing. I looked around, and my fellow joggers were also dumbfounded by the obnoxious scene they had just witnessed. And they all sympathetically shrugged at me, like “Wow, lady. Can you believe that guy?“
And I mean…I wasn’t even wearing my “I am Prolife” shirt, so why the rage, buddy?!
But I did the only thing I could: I kept my head down and just kept running.
And on my way home, it dawned on me: 2020 has been just like that Dodge pickup man…came in out of nowhere, blared on its horn, and flipped us the double bird.
Seriously, though!
I’m going to be honest, that episode felt like the appropriate tone my interior life has taken recently. I don’t know if it’s just the election or the uncertainty of the holidays, but I have been feeling rather discouraged. Like, does this even matter? I mean, I had a reader email me recently saying that I was a phony who had “the Devil living inside of [my] twisted and serpentine soul.” Yeah — that was a real joy to read.
But I’ve just had this pang of, “Does this even matter?” Should I just go get my real estate license, or become an esthetician and let this go? I mean, it would sure make finances a whole heck of a lot easier.
I’m not fishing for praise here, I am just sharing something that has been on my heart.
I’m telling you, though. We have a good, good Father. One that not only listens, but also responds.
Fast forward to this afternoon — about two hours after my flipped bird episode. And I’m down in the basement of my apartment building doing my laundry.
I was…actually…wearing my “I am Prolife” shirt, coincidentally, now that I’m realizing it. haha
But I’m folding my sheets, when in walks the newest tenant in my building: a young woman who is suffering from severe anorexia.
Now, I know — it is not polite or kind to “assume” that someone has anorexia. But as someone who nearly died from it, herself…allow me to put it this way: I know it when I see it. I’m not being cruel, I’m not being judgmental or catty…this young woman was suffering from severe anorexia. The type that makes even me catch my breath. I would say she was all of about 84 pounds.
All of the tell-tale signs were there….she was dangerously gaunt, grey skin, wearing two sweaters and yoga pants that were too loose – despite the fact that the laundry room is about 90 degrees with the 25 industrial dryers going.
And I smiled at her, and saw my former self in her hollow, sunken-in eyes, just above her paper mask.
And my heart absolutely broke for this young woman. I had seen her once before — when she was moving in. And, sweet friend — if for some reason, you’re reading this…(crazier things have happened — it’s 2020) — know that I love you, and am here to talk because, I’ve been there.
But seeing this hurting young woman, I knew that God was reminding me that this blog matters.
He was showing me, that there are hurting young women out there — with concerned families and loved ones and friends — who need resources on how to help, and sources of hope and encouragement that complete healing is possible. That things do get better, and that a life of full recovery is not only possible, but that one can thrive after near self-demise.
I mean, I was 78 pounds. I was that girl that walked into a room and made people audibly gasp, thinking they’d seen a ghost. You could feel my frantic and anxious energy – it was palpable. And God saved me from myself, and blessed me with, truly, a second chance.
So yes — I have been given a mission to share my story which points to His saving power — His forgiveness — His mercy. I may not always be able to see it, but God gave me a glimpse this afternoon, that He has children out there who desperately need help. There are ED sufferers out there who are suffering, and if, by the grace of God, one of my posts can offer the small push they need to seek professional help, or work up the courage to open up to a loved one about what they’re going through, or to find the hope that they can stick to their recovery model, or even just that they’re not as hopelessly alone as they think they are, then this blog has done what I set out for it to do, some five years ago.
And that young woman in the laundry room? I have been praying ever since I first saw her, to know precisely how to approach her, or reach her, and ultimately help her. I know that God has put her in my path for a reason. And I long to help her so so much. I just need His guidance on how best to tenderly and appropriately handle such a delicate situation.
But anyways. It’s not even 5:00pm, and I’ve already had quite the rollercoaster of emotions today.
So in closing: both the Dodge pick up man, and that young woman in the laundry room — they are both children of God, and worthy of love and respect, and have a dignity that comes from being made in God’s image. And both of them — just like me, and you, and everyone in this world — have a wound that was on display today: one manifested in rage, one in anorexia. But both wounds ultimately come from the same source: a place in their hearts that needs the life-changing love that only comes from God.
Which reminds me of an instrumental verse that led to the start of this blog: Matthew 5:15 “Let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”
May we each let our lights shine today — because we never know who we encounter in our daily lives that could really benefit from the warmth and radiance of God’s light and love.
“This is what the Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” Ez 37:5
A huge shoutout to Reason Nutrition Beverage! Their all-natural, high calorie drink is not only delicious, but it has no “garbage” in it! Utilizing the wholesome goodness of coconut oil, it’s a phenomenal option for those needing to gain weight in recovery, or for those simply looking to supplement their diet with convenient and fast nutrition. Check them out!
A big thank you to my foundational sponsor, BetterHelp Online Therapy. I cannot begin to express how beneficial therapy was for my recovery from anorexia. Speak with an online therapist. Or check out content about eating disorders from BetterHelp.
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hmm, an aggressive handlebar mustache … this begs the age-old question, where should a mustache end? In therapy, apparently. x Tony
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Hahaha oh my gosh I’ve never heard that joke about mustaches…only…excuse me, I mustache you a question! Haha thanks for stopping by, Tony!! Hugs and love xox
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Unconscious men do not know the power they have (systemically) when they become startled / fearful especially while driving – this can go to rage in a nano-second. They may not have any idea the affect that their rage has on women – especially. The current climate of social behaviors in America and the world where our leaders give permission for rage to flourish have naturally fueled the divisiveness of our culture.
When Trump became President-Elect a woman who had been waiting for the bus by the curb was nearly run over by unruly young men in a jacked-up pick-up truck driving over the curb trying to hit her. She looked “different” and was socially “delayed” – maybe slightly autistic and yelled explicates at her. She was living at a crisis mental health facility where I worked at the time. She handled herself well and was able to process her feelings with me.
It was clear to me that – as a nation – we could expect more of these kinds of behaviors due to the role-modelling of our president. I wrote a longer piece on “Men, Anger, and Rage in the Toxic Patriarchy” https://psychesweather.wordpress.com/2019/09/27/men-anger-and-rage-in-the-toxic-patriarchy/
I am proud of you that you acted in a responsible way when you were dumped on by this man venting his rage on you. Good (God) for you.
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Hi Kai, oh wow thanks for that insight! Yeah rage is being seen more and more these days. Oh gosh that makes me so sad! That poor woman!! Thank you for writing on the topic. I look forward to reading your post. Thanks for passing it along. Hugs and love xox
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Proud of you for not retaliating evil with evil. Jesus never did, even when His enemies tortured Him to death. Our normal reaction is to lash out against those who insult us. The hardest thing for a Christian to do is to “love our enemies.” You did a lot better in that situation than I would’ve, I guarantee. You truly are a light on a hilltop, kiddo.
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Thanks so much Rollie for your kind words. You’re right – we are called to love our enemies. Easier said than done!! Glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox
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Wow, forgiveness is soooo hard! Believe me, I know! Lewis said, “To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.” (C.S.Lewis, The Weight of Glory) See also https://capost2k.wordpress.com/2018/09/23/forgive-me-umm-excuse-me-one-more-time/.
And keep on blogging, girl! You minister to more than just ED folks!
love and prayers (every time the Master and I “walk” through NY 😉 ) c.a.
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You’re right about that, c.a! Forgiveness is tough!! Thank you so much for your kind words about my blog. It seriously means so much! Have a wonderful evening! Hugs and love xox
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Life’s situations are God’s initiations, a classic one liner that resonates true more each passing day. When we experience hopelessness God gives us an opportunity to give hope to the truly hopeless of this world. “Faithful is he who has called you, who will also do it” 1 Thess 5:24 let God do what He has called you to do, He truly does it if we give Him the situation. Keep writing
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Thanks so much Chad – you’re right – God will give us the tools we need to do His will. Hugs and love xox
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I love this post and your day!! I mean that’s God for you! Getting flipped off one minute and the next a providential meeting. Let him whisper in your ear how to approach. Always works for me!
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Hi Rachel! oh thank you so much! you’re right – that’s God for us! hahaha so true. He will lead the way! glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox
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Caralyn, I too am praying God opens a path to your 84-pound person of peace. She needs you. BTW – Since the 2010 model year, Ram has been a separate part of the same company that focuses solely on trucks. Technically the double-digit dude was driving a Ram.
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Hi Dan! thank you so much for your prayers – yes, I trust that God will give me the right opportunity to befriend her. Oh dang, a Ram! very fitting! hahaha juuuust kidding 😉 have a great day! Hugs and love xox
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Nobody around here sells Cheerios so nobody peed in mine but, had I worn a ProlIfe shirt, you’d think I was Billy Graham’s Big Tent. I am that much Pro Life or just that much. Unlike the chick in the flapping yoga pants, something I’ve never seen before. As usual, you managed to bring the message across, no, obscure it with excellent fun reading. Sharing it on Twitter now.
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THank you so much, I’m glad you enjoyed the read! hahah too funny! God definitely has a sense of humor! Thanks for passing it along! Hugs and love xox
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What a boost when God confirms you are in the right place doing His will. Keep it up!
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you’re so right about that – little affirmative nudges from God are what keep us going! thanks Lorie for stopping by! have a beautiful afternoon! Hugs and love xox
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Thanks for sharing! Such a good reminder to see people as God sees them (including ourselves!) Don’t give up!
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Hi Amy! thanks so much – you’re absolutely right! We need to see others and ourselves through God’s eyes! glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox
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💕
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🥰🥰🥰
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Yikes!
Yeah, firstly, sorry about that experience. NOT fun. 😖
But mostly, thanks for this post. I have been going through similar struggles and discouragement and just weariness, as I’m sure many others are. It’s good to be reminded that even in the weirdest and most uncomfortable times, God still has a purpose for what he has called us to do!
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Hey friend. Thanks so much. I’m sorry this resonated so personally with you. You’re right – God always has a purpose for us! Hugs and love xox
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I once felt pushed by God to write a letter to one of my nieces after a conversation in which she expressed frustration over her deep desires to eat only the healthiest food, but that she felt like most times when she ate anything, or thought about eating certain things she would find herself sick to her stomach. She was running cross country and not wanting to gain weight, but she she wasn’t ovulating either. The letter I wrote told her I was worried about a possible eating disorder and I encouraged her to talk to her mom and doctor about it. She was very angry and offended at me sticking my nose in at the time, but she told me later that it was a turning point for her to actually get help for the real problems, including her disordered eating, in her life.
Thank you for all you are doing to help others in the world. Big differences are made one person at a time. 💚
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Hi Heather, thank you for sharing that. Gosh, I’m so glad you had the courage to love her even when it’s hard. It sounds like you were really instrumental in saving her life!! Kudos to you, my friend! Thanks for the wonderful encouragement. Hugs and love xox
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Well,…what a gesture to begin your day! And as you normally do, you let it roll off of you so fast that you were extremely prepared through your spiritual perception to lift another struggling female in prayer and thoughtful empathy. 2020 has given us the double-bird for sure at times. And then God signs with “I love you!” and our faith flows with the hope we find only in HIM when we choose~just like you do daily precious Caralyn! You’re a blessing! You are unique, authentic, bold, graceful, forgiving, and so many other things. I know you’re not seeking praise, but the reality is I praise God-~and when I do I praise him for putting people in my life such as you. Love and hugs from Missouri. 💚🙏🏻🤗
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Hi KL! Haha you’re right – that’s one eye opener you won’t find in a cuppa joe! Thank you for the wonderful encouragement. You’re so right – God is always whispering and gesturing to us His love for us! I am so touched by your generous and kind words, thank you. So grateful for your friendship! Have a beautiful evening! Hugs and love xox
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💚💚💚🤗🤗🤗
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🥰🥰🥰
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This was crazy. Kinda reinforces all the stereotypes about inner city driving. Lol
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You’re right about that! Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox
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Wonderful post.
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Thank you!! Hugs and love xox
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Caralyn,
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I was shocked and surprised to here this happened when you were just running and minding your own business. I’m so glad you are safe. You have such a good perspective honestly about everything! God is good and He does listen to us. I feel you- sometimes I feel like what’s the point. But in the end it’ll all be worth it. Gosh, I wish I had a friend like you in real life. You just continue to blow me away with your wisdom, humility and kindness. Love you girl. Your posts bring me joy and challenge my perspective. Keep on writing, you are so talented.
Xoxo, Laura
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THE LIFE PURPOSE EXERCISE*
1.List two of your unique personal
qualities, such as enthusiasm
and creativity.
2.List one or two ways you enjoy
expressing those qualities when
interacting with others, such as to support
and to inspire.
3.Assume the world is perfect right now.
What does this world
look like? How is everyone interacting with
everyone else? What does it feel like?
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Hi Caralyn, great post! You are very gracious to people; that is a good model for us all to follow as it is sometimes too easy to get caught up in a moment and respond out of hurt. Stay safe and well! And, watch out for the birds 😉
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Thanks so much Steve!! Oh gosh you’re kind to say that. Hugs and love xox
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I’m so sorry that happened. I hope you day got better. Praying for you.
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thank you Amanda, that means a lot. Hugs and love xox
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