The 2020 Victim Mentality

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Hi friends! I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend!

Despite not being with my family in Ohio, I had an amazing time. I actually celebrated twice! With my boyfriend’s family on Thursday, and then I hosted two other couples for a Friendsgiving on Saturday!

It was such a lovely time.

There was one episode this weekend that was really special. The weather was super beautiful in NYC on Friday, so my special gentleman and I went biking through the city. He led us on a city tour past some of the Christmas staples in New York — including the Rockefeller Christmas Tree. (I know…he’s a smooth operator.) 😉

Now, I don’t know if you’ve heard the controversy over the Rockefeller Christmas Tree…but it’s been nicknamed the “2020 Tree” because….well, it’s a little….underwhelming, shall we say.

It has since “settled” and looks beautiful — (some speculate that it got branch “extensions”). But I got to see it up close and in person!

I think it’s so curious how everything that has gone even the slightest bit array this year has been chalked up to “2020.”

It’s like the universal scapegoat. Which – yeah, for good reason — but everything from the pandemic, to the wildfires, to the tragic passing of Kobe Bryant, to Megxit, to the summer of unrest/looting, to the election results, to cancelled Thanksgiving, to the botched Christmas Tree — all have been blamed on 2020.

And having that psyche — where there’s a scapegoat constantly waiting in the wings, and just this sense that 2020 “doesn’t count” because life is “on pause” — it’s not good. Not good at all.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve definitely found myself falling into that mindset. Almost treating this year like it’s “fake time” – or a trip around the Monopoly Board where you just are practicing for the real thing, and you don’t collect $200 when you pass “Go.”

But there’s a danger in that thinking.

Because here’s the truth of the matter: with God, there is no “fake time.” There are no mistakes or “2020 blunders.” There’s no pause button, no re-do, and most importantly, no accidents.

We are where we are in this moment, because God has allowed it.

And that is a really puzzling thing to wrap your mind around. You mean, God is letting me suffer through 2020 and the pandemic, and the health crisis, and job loss, and anxiety, [insert 2020 “thing” here]…and He’s OKAY with it?!

It’s the classic, why does God let bad things happen to good people, conundrum. Which is a very very difficult reality to deal with as a Christian, especially when you’re in a season of suffering, yourself.

I have certainly wrestled with this numerous times during my life – starting with my anorexia, then ulcerative colitis, and finally, my mom’s stroke. Every time, lamenting with God over why He’s allowing these terrible things to happen to someone he supposedly loves?

And every time, I am shown the truth of the matter, which I was reminded of, this very weekend, at the Thanksgiving table.

I was sitting next to my special gentleman and surrounded by his wonderful family, and there was so much joy in my heart. And I realized in that moment that 2020 isn’t the ruthless bully that we’ve all made it out to be. But that, rather, 2020 has been the gentle course correction given to us by a loving Father, who wants only what is right and good for His children.

Sitting at that table, next to a gentleman I have grown very fond of, has been the direct response of the pandemic. That relationship blossomed into what it has become, because of a number of reasons, one of which being that we survived the pandemic together.

I can only speak for myself, but this forced season of self-reflection really illuminated what is important in life, and I was able to see that love is definitely one of the things that top the list. And I don’t think that was on accident. God has been using this time to form and shape my heart. It hasn’t been “wasted” time or a re-do/pretend season of life. Quite the contrary. This is perhaps just the focus session I needed to really bring my life into focus, and direct it on the path God has intended for me.

The truth of the matter is that, time is real. No matter how we may feel about it, no matter how funny the memes are, or how loud the protest is to the next latest grievance we want to blame on the “illustrious” 2020, this is where we are.

We are where we are because God has allowed it.

And so, perhaps, instead of allowing ourselves to be victims of this 2020 bully, we should ask ourselves the question: Why?

Why has God allowed me to go though this? What am I supposed to learn from the hardships brought about from 2020? What is God trying to teach me? Where is God trying to redirect me?

Looking back over my life, I know that I went through my anorexia because God needed to break my pride. I needed to rid myself of the disgusting pride and vanity that were decaying my heart and eroding my soul.

And believe me, being so stubborn that I literally had to lose all of my hair AND do a three month stint at rehab across the country, it took some painful, painful teachers, but God ultimately got the point across. And it set my life on the course He wanted it to go: to help others suffering similarly.

There are no accidents with God. He doesn’t make them, nor does he allow them to happen.

2020 was in your life for a reason. And it was in mine for a reason.

And sometimes, all it takes is to look up and look around, to be able to see just what that reason was.

Like the Rockefeller Tree, we too, will ultimately settle into place. But it won’t be by chance or happenstance. It will be the meticulous result of an extremely loving and checked out Father.

So let’s not try to fast forward 2020 any more. We are here, and that’s exactly where we’re supposed to be.

“This is what the Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” Ez 37:5

TAKE ME TO THE B³ STORE!

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133 thoughts on “The 2020 Victim Mentality”

  3. A wonderful post, Caralyn, wow. I’ve felt that 2020 bully thing coming from folks I talk to, you just pick up on it. I’m guilty as charged too. It’s tough to stay positive.

    All any of us can do is hope and pray that 2021 will see the decline of the virus. I have always been so grateful for the many blessings in this life, but the virus has augmented that gratitude so much.

    Be safe and well! 🙏🏻❤️

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    1. thank you so much John! 🙂 you’re right – that is my prayer for 2021 too – and for the unity and healing of the fierce divide in our country! Hugs and love xox

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  5. I’ve heard the tree compared to the pathetic one in A Charlie Brown Christmas.

    A few thoughts. Asking why God did X or allowed Z is not really the place to go. Satan does ‘em, not God. God allows it, because, starting with Adam and Eve, we asked Him to. Free will, right?

    As to the “Why?” – you got there. Since there’s sin, God – the galactic chess master – uses all things for good for them that love God. So your ED was Satan meddling and your recovery was God check-mating Satan on that one. Well played, Heavenly Father. Well played!!

    These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 1 Peter 1:7

    Sadly, I guess, I want to joke that I should turn 63 again in 2021, because it doesn’t feel like 2020 should count! But that’s just me being a wise guy.

    Major criticism of the picture with your boyfriend: where are the B3 hats?!? Seriously! Maybe add some B3 wool hats to your line. Hugs & love…

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    1. Hi Jeff! thank you so much for giving me such awesome food for thought! that’s so true – it all boils down to our free will – and the prowling about of Satan, trying to trip us up. you’re right: We’re getting a sobering dose of getting what we asked for. Haha – I’m right there with ya on the age thing. Maybe we should just turn the same age next year, and no one needs to know the wiser! I mean, there were no birthday parties this year anyways…hahaha juuuust kidding. And haha! too funny! You know, he actually does have a B3 t-shirt! one of the extra ones from my talk at your church! i should get a pic of him in it. He’s a pretty good model! hahah i hope you and the girls had a wonderful thanksgiving! hugs to you xox

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      2. Oh that’s awesome! Awww thank you Jeff. Yeah it was actually really really nice. I feel very blessed to have been able to meet my special man’s family. They are gems and we really hit it off!! Hope your December is off to a great start! Hugs and love xox

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      3. Very much! Taking my last 2 vacation days Thurs & Fri. Julie and Hillary are well. Please keep Julie in your prayers as work is really overwhelming her right now; 50-60 hours/week. Still likes the job, but the work is piling up. Anyway…we all remain well Hugs & love back xox

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      4. Oh my gosh that sounds so intense! I will definitely be keeping her in my prayers! you too, enjoy your vacation days! Hugs and love xox

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  6. The natural human question. “Why?” I seem to recall Jesus in the garden just before he was arrested praying “Let this cup pass from me, nevertheless not my will by Thine.” It’s because of Jesus sacrifice we can be saved. Perhaps its equally so that by the sacrifices we make and trials endured that our handling of the situation can be an encouragement to others to look to the same God for assurance this world is not our home and we are just passing through to heaven if we want to accept God’s invitation. When we are in heaven the trials of this life will certainly be forgotten and it will be comforting to know the devil who creates all our problems will have been dealt with and will not be around to harass anyone anymore.

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    1. Hi Ian! Thanks for this awesome response – you’re right – we are just passing through. it’s so important to live with our eyes on our real home: Heaven. It’s a comforting thought indeed! Hugs and love xox

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  8. This is a beautiful perspective on this year. I think we all need to step back, find things to be thankful for outside of the month of November, and let ourselves grown into the post pandemic people we need to be.

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  9. Beautiful post Caralyn! I have been thinking of this a lot recently. 2020 has been hard on many folks with illness, loss, unemployment, and more. But despite it all we can still have hope in Christ. This is not our home. We are pilgrims passing through.

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  10. If I were of a mind yo second-guess God’s motivation – and I’m not, I swear! 🙏🏽 – I’d suggest that 2020 was perhaps his way of gently reminding us that he can flood the planet. 🤓

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  11. How about a little more love for the tree, though? All of God’s creatures….

    And, I think that the exposed branches make a great place for hanging all sort of decorations; much easier than on some of those lush, yet spiny and sappy limbs. I bet when it’s all dressed up for the season, and the lights are thrown on, it’s going to look mighty fine!

    (Even if the City doesn’t adopt my idea of replacing the star with an upraised middle finger – as an homage to 2020.) But I digress… LOL

    You took a great ‘couple’s pic’ there, Caralyn – nice! How about taking another (same place) oh, in about 3 weeks? I bet it will be greeting card material thanks to our friend The Little Spruce that COULD, you just see!

    I’m rooting hard for this tree,

    Both for being a way for me to give the middle finger to germ warfare and 2020; and making us all proud, humble, and thankful as part of the bargain.

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    1. Hahah you’re right Arthur – it’s not what’s on the outside that counts. 😉 hahah too funny. Thank you! That’s a great idea! I’ll see if I can make it a reality! I am too! Hugs and love xox

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  12. These are just things that happen to us until we return to God and move away from what anger God Almighty. Corona virus occurred because God wants us to be weak human beings and that there is a greater master of this universe who controls all the atoms of the universe. Life is beautiful and happy, and planet Earth is a place to prepare ourselves for the next new life, which is the last, eternal life with God Almighty, Paradise.
    I am sorry for the lengthy your article is wonderful and beautiful and you are also wonderful and beautiful

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  13. I think this is one of my favorite posts of yours (so far). What an important thing to remember.

    Whenever I ask God to tell me things about the future – where should I go? what should I do? – it’s always murky. But one answer I feel like God always answers every time immediately is, “What do you want me to learn right here in what’s going on right now with me?”

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    1. Hi.friend – thank you so much! You’re right – every moment is a learning and teaching opportunity with God! Hugs and love xox

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  17. Love this line: “But that, rather, 2020 has been the gentle course correction given to us by a loving Father, who wants only what is right and good for His children.” Perfectly stated!

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  19. A lot to be thankful for despite everything! Great to mention all the people who contribute to gratitude 🙏 and it’s great that you splurged on some carrot 🍰 !

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  20. You hit it right! Well said. And true, it is very tempting to blame “2020”. God bless you more! —-Because here’s the truth of the matter: with God, there is no “fake time.” There are no mistakes or “2020 blunders.” There’s no pause button, no re-do, and most importantly, no accidents.

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    1. thank you, friend! – you’re right – there are no mistakes with God! He has it all under control and will work everything together for good! Hugs and love xox

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  21. Great post and very inspiring! I feel so encouraged because yes, 2020 has been one heck of a year! Yet as you say, God does not make mistakes. He allows everything for a purpose and in the end we have final victory through Jesus! God bless you, your boyfriend and family! Much love from Portugal 😊

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    1. thank you so much! Oh wow – Portugal! My mom and i did the Camino de Santiago through Portugal two summers ago! such a beautiful country. you’re right – He allows everything for a purpose! Hugs and love xox

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  22. Thank you again for a great post and I love your take on it, also the reminder that “life is a series of thousands of tiny miracles. notice them.” We are all on time out and just sitting down at home has made me notice the beauty of the creation of world. The beauty and creativity of people. Not to forget the dark side too.

    Thanks again and glad you had a fab thanksgiving and friendgiving 🙂

    God richly bless you, boyfriend, family and friends and also continue to inspire you.

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    1. thank you so much Hannah! you’re so right! we have so many blessings and miracles right in front of us just waiting to be noticed! Hugs and love xox

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    1. oh my gosh i love that! the actor in me is geeking out with the theater reference! Nope, not a dress rehearsal! Hugs and love xox

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    1. hahah aw thank you Gail! Yes! He’s a real gem. I’m one lucky girl! 🙂 yes – gotta keep looking for the positives – especially in these crazy times. Hope you had. beautiful thanksgiving! love you, friend! thanks for being awesome! Hugs and love xox

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      1. PTL! Thank you for your kind words, Caralyn! ❤
        I did have a blessed, thank you. While mindful of so many who are in a very hard place.
        So glad you got to have some friends over after that time you had to stay in all by yourself!

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      2. Oh good! I’m glad to hear that. You’re right – we must count our blessings twice during these times. Xox

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  28. “Course correction” is about the best phrase I have heard for this year. It has been difficult but my personal outcome has been that I learned a lot about myself. It gave us time to do things we have put on the back burner for so long because we’re too busy. Happy to hear things are going well for you and the your guy. He sounds like a keeper

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    1. thank you so much Alice! you’re right – a course correction indeed. Aw, thank you! he is! i’m one lucky girl! hah Hugs and love xox

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  30. You are certainly one of my favorite bloggers! I am guilty of trying to rush through 2020, so much so that on election day I started what would have been my 2021 journal a few months ahead of schedule and stored my 2020 one. ha

    We have kids (mine and his) in their 20’s and a few of them seem to be consumed in victim mentality. I try to guide them and lead by example, but I feel so frustrated by their lack of personal responsibility. I keep telling myself they will outgrow it.

    It is an epidemic and social media has fueled the fire. I have been fired from a job and dumped by prospective love interest, I always look internally and sort out what I could have done differently. I have grown a lot through that process.

    I have been reading “Fortitude” by Dan Crenshaw and I found that book very inspiring on this topic. I want each of our kids to read it. Mental toughness is not promoted or applauded on social media or Hollywood. It truly concerns me for what kind of country we are leaving for the grandkids.

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    1. Oh my gosh Teresa, you are just too kind, thank you so much!! I feel you – it’s easy to just want to rush the rest of this year along and get to the “clean slate.” you’re right – mental toughness is something to strive for for sure! i’ll have to check that book out! thanks for the reco! Hugs and love xox

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  31. I will admit that 2020 has been an eventful year… for me personally. Yes, we couldn’t understand why everything had to come to the current state, but you’re right. With God, there is a reason why things happened that was tough to understand.

    Who knows. Perhaps He wanted us to slow down a bit from always partying with a million friends at once. Perhaps He wanted us to begin ‘healing’ in the way that He planned for us instead of always trying to rely on our own healing ways that barely work from time to time. I’ll admit that I, too, had been receiving therapy as well in Michigan too. But we remember 1 thing: He is always with us and has plans for us beyond our own understandings.

    Stay Strong, Sis’, and we will chat soon. 🙂

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    1. Thanks friend – you’re right – it has been an eventful year for sure. Amen – there is a reason for everything! Very powerful food for thought! Hugs and love xox

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    1. thank you so much Temiloluwa! i’m glad it struck a chord with you! hope you have a great night! Hugs and love xox

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  33. When he was 17 years old, a friend of mine wrote to me: “Nothing happens TO a Christ-follower. Filtered by His love, it only happen FOR us.” (Lane Martin) Wise beyond his years.
    btw, I sent you an email offering a book as a gift to you and your “special gentleman” friend. Please let me know if you received the email, when ever you get opportunity. yours and the Lord’s, c.a.

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    1. oh wow- what a POWERFUL perspective! yes! it happens FOR us! oh my gosh i absolutely love that. thanks for sharing! oh awesome! i’ll have to check my inbox! thank you!! i have been super behind on emails (and comments!) recently. but that is so thoughtful of you, thank you c.a.! have a great night! Hugs and love xox

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  34. A voice of wisdom. Of course there will always be those that will go back to the same life that they left, but for a majority of people it will be a wake up call. To as you have said, what really matters. It’s so easy to say, roll on 2021 but this is an important milestone in human history. That in itself is significant, that we all where part of that. Happy that you have meet someone that makes you feel special. 🙂

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    1. thank you so much for that awesome perspective. You’re right – an important milestone indeed. Yes! he makes me feel quite special indeed. Hugs and love xox

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  35. Over the last several months I’ve participated and accidentally led a book study at our local parish on women from the Old Testament, and as a result the theme that arose from this, and from 2020 in general, is Flip the Script. Flipping the Script allows us to take a look at, to examine where we are, to review what’s gone before us, to learn how to incorporate that into our existence, to be moved and changed. One full-on reminder is that, in looking at the Old Testament, is that Israel, God’s Chosen people lived through cycles of loving and trusting God; and times where they by their own choices, lack of teaching, lack of prayer leading to a lack of faith in God. Through all of this the people are loved by God, who loves through correction. This is something that I learned but also is something that I’m learning.
    Through this post I see you doing the same thing, Flipping the Script from victimhood, to personhood, living here and now and accepting the Grace of this moment, that this is a call to holiness, a call to love, a call to understand that we are meant for community and that we, in and of our being, have absolutely no control over life and death. This is an opportunity to both live well and accept/embrace our mortality.

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    2. Hi Teri! Thank you so much for sharing that! Flip the Script! I love it!!! and what a powerful message – it’s so true, He loves through correction. wow – i don’t think i’ve ever heard anything so profound. i’m writing that down for sure! thank you!!!! sending so much love nd hugs, my dear friend! xoxo

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  36. Sometimes Christians need a harsh reminder that we live in a fallen world and our only hope lies in Jesus Christ who came to ransom us from the clutches of sin. We’d gotten to where we depended too much upon “things” and not enough on He who created them.

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    1. Thank you so much Rollie! You’re right about that – this world is not our home, and that’s a tough reminder sometimes. amen. Hugs and love xox

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  37. Beautiful post. This year has been a very trying time for my mental health. I suffer severe anxiety and depression. It has also been a very tough time for my faith. Not being able to go to church in person has effected me more than I realized.

    And the politics of this year drained me and my faith and hope tank was near empty. But knowing that God loves me. And that God loves justice gives me strength. And I started blogging again. Haven’t blogged most of 2020.

    God Bless you

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    1. Hi friend, thank you for sharing that. i’m sorry this has been such a trying year for you. hang in there. i’m praying that 2021 — and the rest of December — will be brighter for you!! You’re 100% spot on — God loves you!!!! Hugs and love xox

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  39. Haha, oh the tree! My goodness, so 2020! Our church just talked about this on Sunday too. God is still so good! I’m glad you had a blessed holiday week, and Merry Christmas (a little early)!

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    1. Hi Amber! hahah isn’t it so funny! and it has been confirmed — the tree DID in fact, receive branch “extensions!” Scaffolding and everything! hahah you too! Hugs and love xox

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  42. “Because here’s the truth of the matter: with God, there is no ‘”fake time.”‘ There are no mistakes or ‘”2020 blunders.”‘ There’s no pause button, no re-do, and most importantly, no accidents.”

    BOOM! Loved this! I agree, the mindset seems to be a bit devoid of hope. I don’t believe that bad things happen to good people, I believe that good people are given opportunities. And I don’t want to minimalize any of those who have been deeply hurt by the pandemic and it’s after-effects (I was also effected by it). Those are very valid. But I once heard a quote that said, “Our trials, when looked at with an eye single to God, turn into opportunities.” And it’s true! I have had many trials, and so have you, and you turned your trials into an opportunity to help others! Life is actually GREAT. Life is in all actuality, divine. I hope that others can see what you see! Once again, a great article.

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    1. Thank you so much Diyana! I’m so glad this struck a chord with you. I love that – opportunities. That is so so true! It’s all about perspective. Love your positivity! 🥰🥰🥰 Hugs and love xox

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  43. I really enjoy your blog because of your honesty and passion behind your reasoning. Everything happens for a reason. Some beyond our control which is unfortunate. It’s funny. But I’ve been putting up posts daily on my blog too. I found the motivation and inspiration to broaden my horizons. I’m a huge sports fan who loves hockey, baseball and tennis. But I also love poetry, music, lyrics, gym, mother Nature and now I’ve added my own unique perspective on this challenging year. Maybe the change is what I needed. I’m still working on it. But I no longer am negative. I think that’s thanks to you.

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  44. This was so great! Wonderful reminder! God is so good and as Romans 8:28 states we know that all things work together for good for those who love God and are the called according to His purpose !

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  46. We live in a fallen world where accidents, disease, natural disasters, etc. occur but Jesus preached about His Kingdom that was at hand. His Kingdom is the oasis in this fallen desert. When we as Christians live out His Kingdom through the power of the Holy Spirit, we have the power to bring order to chaos, healing to the sick, joy to the distraught, food to the hungry, and sense to the madness. Blessings to you.

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  48. Excellent, as always, and wonderfully told. I would also like to note that I enjoyed the video of your presentation at the Christ the King Church in Memphis in 2019. You certainly have a powerful testimony to share, one that has and no doubt continues to inspire countless women who face that same uphill struggle as well as others facing different challenges in their lives. Thank you for allowing God to use you in such a powerful game-changing way for so many. Blessings to you, Caralyn, and Merry Christmas!

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  49. I’m glad you are in the place you are. It’s been a daily struggle for me. Job loss, income loss, health problems, topped off by trying to figure out how to pay for Christmas. Some days it’s just too much. I have faith that God’s got this. But I also know that God has given us free will, and somehow it feels more and more like my free will is being taken away from me. Some days it’s hard to find the joy. Honestly, I don’t want a “new normal” if it looks like more of what we’ve experienced the past few years. I’m sorry…I really am trying. I’m just so, so tired.

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